As you can see, I haven't updated this page in a long time.  Whoopdie doo.  I've been up to a lot of shit, namely working (I'm a pipefitter nowadays, and I've been in the industrial construction field for a good while now) and fucking off.  I'm equally adept at both, if I say so myself ( Read more... )

I work for Mastercard in the Information Security department. I should be working right now, so I guess i'll get on that.

Yup.

I believe with all my two most vital organs (three if you count my penis) that the best guitar solo in the history of music lies within the song Maggot Brain on the album Maggot Brain by the band Funkadelic. It's about 10 minutes long and I have to have a twenty minute clean-up afterwards, every time.

David Pipher, I'm talking to YOU.

Have you ever had someone just walk in on you while you were masturbating? As of last night, I have. I mean, it's happened before but more like a quick "oops". This, however, was more like me sitting in my floor watching porn, lotion, butt-ass naked. Here comes David with the phone. I was just like, "UHhhhhh.... thanks." I mean, what could I ( Read more... )

Hey, lookie here. I can't say I didn't see it coming. ( can't say I'm surprised either. )

( Like your mom. )

Europe rocked my nards right off. I mean they fell off. They're in Europe right now, still rocking I bet:

• drank a swedish man under the table
  
• got high in amsterdam (though I don't smoke... mega contact)
  
• went barhopping in Hamburg
  
• saw a bloody fight on the street
  
• got yelled at by a man in German
  
• took the biggest poop of my entire life.
  
• almost ( Read more... )

I am in Germany right now in an internet café... the most annoying thing is that z is where y should be and vice-versa. and some other things, but oh yeah, Deutschland is nice. :)

My uncle cut my hairdo last night. For free. I was prepared to pay, but no no. I think that's pretty awesome right there ( Read more... )

I can't stop looking in mirrors, maybe this is becoming a serious problem? Help me.

Here, I will prove how sexy I am:

( Read more... )