This Thanksgiving was far worse than two years ago (when I actually had the will-power not to binge). My dad and I ran the Turkey Trot this morning. Then I spent the day baking the apple pie while my mom cooked for dinner. I was so good all day (about 300 calories before 5:30pm). I went into dinner with every intention not to binge. I dished up a ( Read more... )

And I binged after 2 weeks of pure restriction. I cannot focus on anything other than the thoughts of clearly deserved self-hatred.

This number digests me. I'm not sure what number I wanted to see on the scale at the gym this morning, but it was definitely lower than this. I ate a piece of bread yesterday, and even though I logically know this could not have kept me from losing weight, I believe that it actually made me gain weight. I haven't felt empty for days and I can't ( Read more... )

After Thanksgiving, Haloween is the holiday I dread most regarding food. I hate being tempted by so many sweets, although right now I don't even think I'll be tempted by anything tomorrow. I am so deep into restricting right now that I have lost my appetite completely. I'm not sure I'm even losing weight, but others around me seem to think I am. It ( Read more... )

I told you to be patient ( Read more... )

I just got out of hospital after a manic episode. 6 days after being admitted, I managed to lie my way out, everyone (parents, therapist, psychiatrist, friends) convinced of my safety. I then, stupidly, made the mistake of telling my proc in our appointment 5 days after I got out that I was still feeling suicidal and my self-harm urges were high. ( Read more... )