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[porcellanabella]

i want to hang myself. the end.

Comments

[lacreates]

me to... we can share a rope

[porcellanabella]

lets go tonight, wait, you're a wife and mother, you are important to people you cant go.

[siren_desidia]

whats up?

i feel like shit too. Maybe we can talk sometime and you can tell me what's going on. I am sorry I haven't really talked to you since I came out here. I feel really shitty, and not in a talking frame of mind.

The one person i want to hear from more than anyone in the entire world is completely ignoring me. I wrote this in my journal the other day, things like this are a little too emo for my LJ.

i could tell her that i fucked someone tonight
and she would be happy
she would be glad;
see it as a sign of my moving on
ecstatic at the sudden drop in
email, IMs, postcards.

i could tell her that i fucked someone tonight
but i don't want to be with anyone
except the one person who won't have me.

she could tell me thats she fucked someone tonight
and i would be completely
utterly
horribly
destroyed

[porcellanabella]

i have made tons of mistakes lately and i dont know how to fix them. these things come flying out of my mouth and i can hear them but i cant stop them. i feel terrible. im ashamed of what ive done. i just want to feel the warm again, and the way a boy's blankets smell. i just want to run away from it all. you should invite me to germany. ill learn to speak the language, we can dress up in costumes and scream obscenities from behind our mugs of thick german beer.

[siren_desidia]

I dunno, as much as I wish I had someone to hang out with, I feel weird. I mean I have made a lot of friends at work; some really great guys. But it's like there is this emptiness that doesn't go away, and things are getting worse. I know we don't talk, but it has a lot to do with ambiguos feelings, and people acting certain ways and not communicating. A lot of the things left over from the relationship, I don't know. It's hard to describe. I love her so much, and she has these defense mechanisms that don't always line up with how she feels. But with zero communication things are just intensified, not for her, but for me. I don't want a life without her. I wish I could fly back and shower her with kisses. I wish there was anything that I could do to change things. I feel like I could drop everything, fly over there, and knock on her door with a pie and a rose and just ask her to please talk to me, as a favor to the person that she cared so much for for so long. But I feel like she would roll her eyes through the peep hole, and would

arrgg

[xxxdesireexxx]

its a piret noice ...yeah , no hanging of your self damn it , i luve is you .xoxox