nothing's sadder than an aging coolsterposteverythingMay 21 2005, 18:05:07 UTC
By the way..holy BALLS, thank you! And since you were so kind, you have the say as to what I do with the new "status", as it were. Phone posts? Polls? Yes?
But yes..I know. I'll never call myself a celebrity, but there are certain parallels to that, minus the fame and money and any supposed importance whatsoever. We "love" famous people for certain things about them that probably aren't even accurate, it's all about how they appear to us. But in any event, I'm the guilty party. All this accidental mythology-building, man..it's still my fault.
Re: nothing's sadder than an aging coolsterwinkandthegunMay 21 2005, 18:17:22 UTC
I meant it in a good way! I was the one who introduced you to Carissa's Wierd, silly. They're awesome and perfectly emo for getting into the "emo post" mood.
PHONE POST POLLS SCANDAL YS YS & YS.
I'm not saying you're a celebrity, but with admiration comes a certain sense of jadedness (is that a word) and cynicism. We've talked about this. That inner-sneering, then the self-esteem stuff. Not that I can necessarily relate directly to this problem, exactly, but to the jadedness and inner-sneering, yes, and yes.
It's not your fault. Jay. People like you because you're you. You are you and you're not fake.
Re: nothing's sadder than an aging coolsterposteverythingMay 21 2005, 18:27:13 UTC
Did you realize that Andy Graham is based in Kansas City? I really like what I heard and decided to read more about him on the Internets..and lo and behold. How out of the loop am I? God.
But I was thinking about this whole thing this morning..is the whole "admiration" thing just something I need to accept? To just say to myself, "Well, I guess I'm going to have two lives, I can't do anything about it, it isn't up to me, so I might as well make the best of it." You know? Because if I keep going down this road..and I want to keep going down this road..I'm going to have to deal with it, I guess.
Phone posts, polls and scandal. Okay, duly noted. :)
That's me after a couple days of sleeplessness, not shaving, and drinking. I guess Hunter S. Thompson ain't as far away from the truth as I would have liked. :(
Not only did Hunter S. Thompson kill himself, an acquaintance of mine who idolized Hunter S. Thompson killed himself. It's sort of..well..something I'd much rather avoid.
But I do like the whole "knit cap-aviator glasses-Unibomber" look. :X
i prefer figure-8sposteverythingMay 21 2005, 19:19:44 UTC
It's okay. This journal's all about going in circles. :)
I know what you're saying, after all, as far as certain "parts" of somebody's personality are concerned. For example, I think everybody's been on one side of the following conversation (or both):
"I'm so stupid, I can't believe I __________." "You're not stupid. These things just happen sometimes."
But yeah, it's stuff like that. Attributes, what a certain person will do in a certain situation, we can know that about others. But I still don't think that anybody can really know us as well as ourselves.
john grisham makes my blood curdleposteverythingMay 21 2005, 18:20:28 UTC
This is..quite a hearty comment. But all of what you say is correct, unerringly so. I wish that the only obstacle to happiness is that I just haven't read Chicken Soup for the Soul yet - if it were only that simple - but I don't think I will ever be "happy" for long periods of time, that there would possibly be some sort of grandiose conclusion where "they lived happily ever after". There's too many self-imposed little mechanisms that would prevent that from happening, even when everything's aligned for it. It's happened before, and well..here I am, you know?
The only thing I can hope for is distraction, if I keep making up goals for myself and keep pursuing them, then I'll be okay. That's when I'm at my best, I think..when I have this going on and that project to finish and these people to talk to about another project. If it weren't for that, then I'd be completely alone with my thoughts..and that's not good for long periods of time. :) I think you and Kitchen Zach know what I mean here. By the way, I hate to say it, but he's right
( ... )
I have always loved your comments, and perhaps it is because I am a dreamer also, and can totally relate to how you think and feel. Thank you for your concise words. All we can ever hope for is to be as good and pure as we know is possible. For those days where everything is rotten, inside us, inside the bowels of society, the trenches of a fading democracy, the ramblings of my wandering heart that make no concieveable sense... you just kind of have to let go. and free yourself. that's something that I am desperately working on.
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Sometimes when you have the most "admirers" you feel the most misunderstood and unloved. You know?
If I died I would regret not having been a better big sister to my little sisters. Little anime geeksters. That's right, geeksters.
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But yes..I know. I'll never call myself a celebrity, but there are certain parallels to that, minus the fame and money and any supposed importance whatsoever. We "love" famous people for certain things about them that probably aren't even accurate, it's all about how they appear to us. But in any event, I'm the guilty party. All this accidental mythology-building, man..it's still my fault.
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PHONE POST POLLS SCANDAL YS YS & YS.
I'm not saying you're a celebrity, but with admiration comes a certain sense of jadedness (is that a word) and cynicism. We've talked about this. That inner-sneering, then the self-esteem stuff. Not that I can necessarily relate directly to this problem, exactly, but to the jadedness and inner-sneering, yes, and yes.
It's not your fault. Jay. People like you because you're you. You are you and you're not fake.
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But I was thinking about this whole thing this morning..is the whole "admiration" thing just something I need to accept? To just say to myself, "Well, I guess I'm going to have two lives, I can't do anything about it, it isn't up to me, so I might as well make the best of it." You know? Because if I keep going down this road..and I want to keep going down this road..I'm going to have to deal with it, I guess.
Phone posts, polls and scandal. Okay, duly noted. :)
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That's the sex.
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But I do like the whole "knit cap-aviator glasses-Unibomber" look. :X
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But yes, at least it's possible for others to see the best parts (or worst parts) of a person that they may not be able to see.
As for seeing who someone is better than they can, that's possible too. If the person is not honest with themselves.
I'm going in circles. I'll get off of your journal now and do that elsewhere. :)
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I know what you're saying, after all, as far as certain "parts" of somebody's personality are concerned. For example, I think everybody's been on one side of the following conversation (or both):
"I'm so stupid, I can't believe I __________."
"You're not stupid. These things just happen sometimes."
But yeah, it's stuff like that. Attributes, what a certain person will do in a certain situation, we can know that about others. But I still don't think that anybody can really know us as well as ourselves.
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The only thing I can hope for is distraction, if I keep making up goals for myself and keep pursuing them, then I'll be okay. That's when I'm at my best, I think..when I have this going on and that project to finish and these people to talk to about another project. If it weren't for that, then I'd be completely alone with my thoughts..and that's not good for long periods of time. :) I think you and Kitchen Zach know what I mean here. By the way, I hate to say it, but he's right ( ... )
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~Jason
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