Leah

[potcsues]

I'm going to begin a week of offspring!Sues tommorow today next Sue. So be ready for some of Jack and Random!Wench/Anamaria's many sons, a few of Will and Elizabeth's innumerable daughters, one or two of Jack's obnoxious illegitimate hellions, and maybe even the spawn of some other unfortunate canon character who must have cavorted with Satan

Comments

That's it.

[princesskraehe]

I've talked about making a family tree of all of Jack's illegitimate kids that he's left scattered around the Caribbean (and about sixteen of them are in Port Royal). But you know what? I'm gonna go through all these fics, take notes on his fifteen billion Twu Wuvs, and write a fic of my own. I mean, can you imagine what'd happen if Leah found out about Elisse Welsch or Melody Michelle?

God. Wait. I've just figured it out. All those chicks slapping him in Tortuga? They were SUES WHO FOUND OUT ABOUT EACH OTHER!!!! It all makes sense now!!!

Re: That's it.

[surexit]

*dies* Because, just... yes. Yes!

Re: That's it.

[potcsues]

I love it.

Captain Saberjess, Queen of Purple Prose could battle to the death with Captain Red Ariel Truelove, the Strumpet of Swashbuckling over who was Jack's true Lady!Pirate love. Their battle would also be over who has the stupider name. The winner could then face "Capt'n" Sonya Williams, self-proclaimed Fiercest Female Pirate, and try to take her title.

Meanwhile, Alyssa Katelyn Wells and Catherine Swann would be fighting over which one was actually Elizabeth's cousin and best friend and as such more entitled to be introduced to Jack and freed from their stifling lifes as highborn ladies.

Rhiannon McCormick and Lisa could argue against the logic of each other's vague plot devices used to land them in the PotCverse. And in the end, manwhore!Will and Fen the Insane Hermaphrodite Child of Pintel could have a slap-fight. Just for kicks.

Re: That's it.

[mylla]

Could they battle each other to death?

Please?

[ganeris]

How does a female in these enlightened times get to typing-on-a-computer age without realizing that rape is not sex, but a violent crime akin to assault?
And that's only the beginning of the levels of no to which this fic descends.

Soooo tempted to flame.

Re:

[geeksicle]

I'm going to. I don't believe in flaming, but I DO believe in re-education. When I was 12 I got in trouble for throwing my hot chocolate over my cousin when they put a picture on the news of a girl who'd been raped and murdered and my cousin said "but she's not even pretty!" When you combine that quote, and the fact that the sue has "fallen from grace" because she was raped, I cannot in good conscience keep silent.

Re:

[mylla]

In all fairness, I don't think that's necessarily what she meant by the 'fallen from grace' quote. I think she just meant "maybe she's an angel and has fallen [i.e. to earth] from heaven".

Then again, judging by the quote in her bio, anything's possible and re-education is in order anyway. :D

Re:

[geeksicle]

True, and I thank you for pointing that out before I made a flamey fool of myself. I think I'm overreacting because I'm so damn sick of 'Sue authors using rape as a motive for Jack and their Mary Sue to get together. It's all Jack saved Sue from rape, Jack finds out Sue has been raped and avenges/comforts her, or the more disturbing Jack rapes Sue and falls in love. I will restrict myself to my usual "rape is a serious issue and should not be used as a romantic plot device" spiel, and tack on "especially not by someone who uses quotes like THAT" at the end.

[mylla]

Oh, my- This is just-

This is some of the most gag-inducing angsty angst I've read!

Someone, please, tell me that this has some clever and not incredibly ignorant and offensive meaning that I'm missing.

If you find it out, please let me know too. I'm just- Mind. Boggles.

Thank you for the comments peppered throughout. SO much easier to bear that way.

Re:

[the_fire_dancer]

Jack: *rips a hunk of Sue's hair out and chomps down* Mmm... chocolate...

[pinkalarmclock]

lol...she has amber eyes to...sounds like one of those chocolate angels you get at christmas....lol

Re:

[niav]

Which version? If it's the original, then Jack's in big trouble...

Re:

[anonymous]

And if it's the Disney version, then she gets eaten by the eels!

Re:

[geeksicle]

If his choice if life with Mary Sue or the blissful peace of eternal nothingness, I'm sure I know which way Jack would vote. For that matter, if it's a choice between life with Mary Sue and eternity in Hell, my vote goes the same way.