Mary-You #7

[potcsues]

And so, I breathe a sigh of relief as we arrive at this, our final YouJack. mylla directed me towards this one. Sometimes, I think she's trying to kill me.

TITLE: A Stolen Girl, 3 Stolen Hearts
CULPRIT: SlythPrincess
SUMMARY: "You are a young woman who is left all alone after your mother dies. You marry Commodore Norrington, but when you are stolen by

Comments

[wolfychan]

how many pirates have a first name like John?Well, if you consider that Jack is a nickname for John, I know at least one. To say nothing of real-life pirates John Hoar, John Ward, John Halsey, John "Calico Jack" Rackham, John Bowen, John Fenn, John Morris, John Taylor, John Coxon, John Hawkins, and Bartholomew Roberts' real first name was John

[mylla]

Especially considering that the main difference between the rape and the consensual sex is that Jack has nicer lips.

Yeah, but he's Jack! He's like TEH HAWT. So that makes it okay. Duh.

...

No, wait. That's what I said last Sue.

I'm spotting a trend.

Seriously, that was exactly my thought. So maybe this Jack is a bit friendlier about the whole climbing on top of me thing, or is sexier or whatever the hell it is, but the difference in his actions is...?

And by the way, your icon is highly traumatising. I mean that in a good way. :p

[wolfychan]

Well, I was a little startled when Jack just psychically knew she liked him from the look in her eyes, and took this as permission to jump on top of her without asking or anything. That's part of why I called this fic disturbing rather than garden-variety offensive.

(I was also startled when the feeling of being trapped under a man again didn't cause the Sue to panic and turn either physically violent or mentally incoherent.)

I sent the Suethor a long, polite, sincere letter asking her to consider some of the messages she was sending. I know I'll be lucky to get so much as a "if u dont lik it DONT REED IT, flamer!" in response, but I had to try.

[livilla]

*whimper* Mummy.

[genarti]

"(YOU)!!" the commodore screamed...

I am (Your full name), daughter of the governor of Port Royal," you spoke clearly and loudly.

"You're a very loyal young lady Miss (Last name), very loyal indeed."

Okay, I know she's hardly the first author we've seen do this, but still. SPORK WITH GREAT SPORKINGS.

Second-person is a gimmick. I've never really seen a story I thought benefited from it, though I'm sure they exist; I don't have a problem with it in theory. But it is not, for pity's sake, a quick and easy way to have everybody identify with your character; that's like handing a little kid a Barbie with a "Hello my name is [whatever]" sticker slapped carelessly on.

If you want to not give your character a name, to keep up the anonymity of second person, fine. Whatever happened to the tried-and-true "You tell him your name"?

(Not even touching the rape parts. Not with an eleven-foot pole dripping disinfectant. I will only go into SEETHE SEETHE SMITE realism-purist mode.)

[mylla]

I... I can only apologise. I didn't really comprehend the full extent of the traumatic nature of this one.

I'd paid more attention to how utterly stupidly Will and Elizabeth were characterised in the first few chapters.

Will nodded. "Well, I could never stop true love, even if it does disgust me," he chuckled as Elizabeth smacked him gently on the arm.

Uh huh. And:

"Oh! (You), you look wonderful, but here," she began fussing with your hair and dress, as well as anytihng else she could get her hands on.

I really can't picture Elizabeth giggling. Really.

But the rest of it.

*breaks down*

What planet do these Suethors live on, anyway?

[mylla]

Yeah, Elizabeth was giggling in the next line, not the one I quoted. Sorry. I just can't focus too much attention on it, or it gets even more painful.

I would also like to point out that when the broken toes stop being a convenient plot device to let Jack tenderly care for "me", "I" forget about them. Two seconds later "I'm" running around on them and kicking people, all without apparent pain.

[salophile]

*Points* See this? This is a prime example of why second-person writing so rarely works. I won't get into it being "gimmicky" (because I have seen examples where it's used well, but nothing specific comes to mind at the moment, it's nearly midnight for God's sake), but the fact is, no one in her right mind would ever do something like this.

For instance, if I were alone with a raping pirate, I would not mindlessly surrender to his perverse wishes, simply for the sake of being "a woman of my word" or whatnot. (I am most bloody definitely not a woman of my word, especially when dealing with people I loathe.) I would try to strangle him, or scratch out his eyes, or stab him, or something. If possible, I would jump ship and try to grab onto some flotsam until I could float to an island or be picked up by another ship. Or drown. It may be stupid, but it's the sort of frightened, wild animal stupid that all humans are capable of, especially in a situation like this