i'm not well ( Read more... )

i finally hit that sense of freedom. knowing that from here on out i am doing things for myself and only myself. that i no longer have to live with someone else in mind, and how my actions may or may not affcet them. i can just live, which is something i have been consistantly avoiding for a long time now.

i'm starting to see all the reveals, no matter how subtle, that humanity has to provide. everyone i know, i love, and have loved portrays themselves to me in a distinct patternesque fashion. not to their failing though, as this trend resides within all of us. i am as of just now finding more humor in it all. there is nothing left in my heart but ( Read more... )

i am fucked ( Read more... )

if i was to employ the elements of my upbringing, i would say that i have sinned. this partially active, fully cerebral state commits me to nothing better then what the apathetic deserves. i harbor no complaint in order to draw emphatic recourse, i just state what is, where i am. there's futility in using this voiceless forum, but i still feel ( Read more... )

influence is static, this is an idea i must defeat. my muscles are liquid, my bones air, and weakness has saturated throughout. i am not the soldier that goes to war for his country, and i am not the man that stays behind to tend to my ailing matriarch, i am a third choice. i state that i will do both, and hide, do nothing. this is my reality, ( Read more... )

my current failure is that i am searching for a decisive moment
and in life, there are none
at least in my life
things linger, age, and just float slowly
i have to tell myself, inside this haze
that it is ok to be who i am right now

i feel wasted and terribly alone
beyond expression
i wake up each day only to wish it away
if i could find the spirit
the will to appeal to myself
to let go

i can feel death
in my chest
the weakness in my arms, my legs
it humbles me
makes me an infant to the pressures of the everyday
can i feel better knowing that it is temporary
or have i just stuck my toes into the deep
a place where we will all sink into

Auspicious propensity for fear, and all else that lingers inside
“Matter of fact” speaking is defensive and misleading
No truths that we on sleeve carry are worth their salt
These granules sting the threads of fibre they hang on
Still there is no consuming atrophy of the veils
Just patched pocks, divots on steady sails

-Sean Hansel 2008-09-24