It's like I've gotten onto the wrong elevator and I have to go all the way down into the basement before I can go back up to the higher floor where I'd wanted to go in the first place. The elevator is going to go back up, right? It's not going to keep descending deep into the pits of hell, right? Riiiiiight ( Read more... )

I've been quite distraught over having so little luck in finding employment, but I finally caught a break last night while boozing it up, of all things. I started drinking at 4, watched the fireworks from a Greenpoint rooftop with an excellent East River view, and then went to drink some more at the bar. The bartender from next door, who just so ( Read more... )

I'm always offending my guy friends by befriending their girlfriends.

What the hell is up with that?

Seriously, why do guys hate that?

Not to brag, but today I was kind of on a roll. I consolidated my loans. I applied for some jobs. Did some dishes. Played IT support for my mom. Got the apartment sprayed for creepy crawlers. The exciting part was the job application thing since I've been avoiding that for a while. You know the expression working hard or hardly working--it's been ( Read more... )

So i'm going to write about last night because it was funny and also I am up at 5 AM again. Which blows. I went to see my friend bartending at this place that is best described as a shrine to beer. I was outside (smoking: bad, bad Alexis) and at some point mentioned Louisiana in the conversation I was having with the friend of my bartender friend ( Read more... )

I have returned from two very full (and hot!) weeks in Greece. As evidence: me at Delphi, or Delfi, or ΔΕΛΦΙ or whatever. It's just too much to talk about.
( Read more... )

The kitchen is perilous: I have cut myself with knives, even slid off skin with a vegetable peeler, but today I actually took out a chunk of my thumb's knuckle with a cheese grater. A cheese grater! So much for a culinary career ( Read more... )

I have to apologize (to myself mostly) because I was so drunk when I met MIKE MYERS last night that I thanked him for being funny, thanked him for all he did for Louisiana post-Katrina, and then said ( Read more... )

Former writing students: this is some funny shit

For everyone who says the humor of McSweeney's is dead, you can suck it.

Also, maybe I need to tape this over my bathroom sink as a reminder

I was going to write about how fabulous life has been: the gardening, the shopping, the good time spent with friends, the mildly attractive guy who seemed enamored with me, the fancy drinks, the karaoke, and the gorgeous weather ( Read more... )