app copypasta;
Character: Kiriu Touya aka. Iai Banchou
Series: Kongou Banchou
Character Age: 16
Canon:
The 23 District Project assembles twenty-three volunteers with superhuman abilities to fight for control of Japan. Each participant is given control of one of the districts of Tokyo, and given the title of “banchou”; they are now responsible for challenging and defeating the other banchou for control of their districts. It’s a dangerous competition, but any dreams or goals one has could be easily accomplished by having control of an entire country.
Enter Iai Banchou, master of Kiriu-Style iaijutsu (the art of sword drawing). Honourable, cultured and disciplined, the master swordsman has a very old-fashioned Japanese soul. His reason for taking part in the Project is to re-shape Japan and return society to the old ways; to shun societal decay and Western influence, to a time when the Japanese had their hearts shaken by the beauty of nature. However, Iai Banchou is easily shaken by girls showing skin - he gets embarrassed, blushes, and his nose bleeds. His chastity is his weakness, and he insists on women covering themselves up, including the bare legs of a girl in her school uniform skirt.
Sample Post:
I assume this is Tentacle Banchou’s special arena? I was expecting something more like an aquarium, or perhaps by the sea, but being prepared for anything is nothing for a banchou. And you, I take it, are Tentacle Banchou’s underlings? Such horrific aesthetics are typical of America. Zombies are very popular here, are they not? The American moe - the rotting deceased. How distasteful, though I will compliment the effort put into your makeup and costumes. But know this - challenging me is the biggest mistake you’ve made in your... post-life.
I was under the impression that the 23 District Project was to take place within Tokyo; perhaps the government wanted to add a bit more of an international flavour to the competition. This is my first time out of the country, and it is a shame I cannot enjoy the… endless cornfield scenery. There is a peaceful feel to it, of course - farms are where people work hard in harmony with the land. However, the robot cows are simply a perversion of nature! I understand North Americans enjoy their milk products, but was the demand such that only a machine can keep up? And the gorillas - I thought they belonged in zoos, not farms. Is this place an elaborate joke I am not understanding? A very disturbing joke, judging by the incredibly lewd way they were handling that boy. I suppose this is less punishment than American airport customs, though I have no idea how I managed to cross the Pacific. I don’t even have a passport…
Regardless, this venture will be swift, so I may return before I’m subjected to any more of this depraved humour. Ah, but before we start - miss, I must insist you cover your legs more. It’s not the disturbingly realistic lacerations or rot, but I... n-no, don’t show me your thighs! Do not continue such - aaahhhh!!! Enough! I wasn’t intending on defeating you before, but I cannot tolerate such... behavior! It would be wise to re-attach your ears and listen properly this time: I, Iai Banchou, have been sent to defeat Tentacle Banchou of the… ah… my English is not very good. Cee-eff-you-dee... I assume you can’t even understand my Japanese, let alone hear me, but it doesn’t matter! This farce comes to an end, now!
I’ll deliver my message to her myself: Tentacle Banchou of the Cee-Food District, prepare to be served!
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