Married with Careers and Kids - Why Moms Stay Home or Just Have Jobs

[prettypammie]

A lot is written about two-income families. What gets left out is the fact that many of these are one job, one career families. It is very hard to raise children and build a career without a fellow parent whose primary responsibility is the children. She may have a job, but it won't be a career, because the children always come first.

Comments

[ghislaine]

Yes. This!

I hadn't honestly put in the "job" vs "career" perspective, but this helps me make so much more sense about the struggles we experienced when I went back to work... back to my career. There were the inevitable "My job is no less important/no less time and energy consuming than yours!" arguments. There were the unspoken (because he knew they were politically incorrect) expectations that I would take more of the pedi visits, sick days, etc.

I wish I had a good answer. I think 2 CAREER families pretty much require a full time (and trustworthy) grandparent or nanny available to make it really work. We don't have a nanny, per se, but we sure to spend a lot on childcare. AND I have a very flexible job - which I've made a salary sacrifice to maintain. Someday (soon) that won't be the case and I'm not sure how it will all work then.... I guess that's what cohousing is supposed to help with!

Hang in there, sister.

[dcseain]

IAWTC.

Very well said, and framed, prettypammie. May i link to this?

[prettypammie]

Yes, by all means link.

-P

[gonzy317]

So true. :(

it depends on who you work for

[iuciddream]

I've had bosses that would cover for me in a kid crisis and those that won't or can't. I've made it clear that my kids come first and occasionally I may disappear at an inopportune time.

One thing I miss the most about my previous job at Emerson/versus Harvard, was that at Emerson, there was much better coverage in case of an emergency. Ironically I have less coverage now because my boss is also a mom with a career.

Re: it depends on who you work for

[prettypammie]

It isn't about whether you can leave work to take care of your kids - it's about the resulting career limitation. It isn't just a gender issue, although the fact that men are usually paid more adds this to the handicaps women face in the workplace. Anyone who doesn't have a spouse to be primary caregiver to the kids (over their job) has a career limitation. The good thing about working with a woman with kids is that she is less likely to view family as a career limitation. You've pointed out the downside ;)

-P

[blueingenue]

Pointing you at farmleaf's journal, she's selling some used books, cheap plush shipping--all horse care/veterinary/riding related. You could probably write a book about those by now, yet I thought you might still be interested in the titles.