I almost graduated valedictorian of my school only I decided not to go to the graduation ceremony. I was the cool smart kid, so not so much hated but more just kind of loner.
Anyway, you have to go back to school because I'm back in school. If you're the dumbest person in the world, then we're doing a lot fucking better than I thought we were.
You're one of the smartest people I've seen on LJ (plus you are funny). Plus school doesn't measure intelligence, it measures how well you assimilate into being able to be considered intelligent. Since, I'm somewhat of a chameleon and have a really good memory (this worked out great for me.
I questioned shit in my head - but did not stand up for myself well. I just got smaller and smaller.
It took me years to learn that I wasn't the problem. I just beat myself up and called myself stupid for a long time.
My brain would shut itself down and FIGHT what it knew was illogical bullshit that did not fit within my understanding of the world - what it felt like was brain shut down. Now I see it as survival.
i credit my sisters for giving me the strength to question my teachers openly. at home we all had to band together against my stepfather's tyranny and complete disregard for facts. if i didn't have the support of my sisters, i'm sure i would not have been able to speak up. i know what you mean about survival. sometimes you gotta suck it up to get things over with. it sucked, but it has to be done.
heh .. that 1st paragraph resonates a lot w/ me too. :) i was an advanced-class student who couldn't deal socially and emotionally w/ high school (depression/truancy/defiance, mischief and pranks etc); never graduated ... years later, thinking about all those lectures and talks from teachers, all the shame, still very painful for me.
thnks for writing that, nice to read another's perspective ..
elementary school - i was the second biggest loner (the only one who had it worse was the dirt-poor girl) and one of the smartest kids in the class. all the bullies would copy off my work and make my life a living hell otherwise. bad, bad memories. i left at the end of grade 7 because i was going to kill myself. i went to a private all-girls school for grades 8, 9 and 10 (back when my father was still in the picture, because he has money), made some pretty great friends, stopped being shy, started standing up for myself. i was threatened with expulsion for dying my hair blue and by then my dad didn't want to pay for it anymore, anyway, so i went back into the public system. since i entered it at grade 11, i was kind of on the outskirts of everything. nobody there knew who i was. i got into drugs and was fairly popular (you know, with the other druggies) and skipped school a LOT - when i was there i was reading something unrelated to the class, for the most part. some of my teachers hated me, a lot of them loved me, but the vice
( ... )
hm, i forgot something important - i never graduated, ha.
in ontario, you need 40 hours of community service to graduate. and for various reasons i was unable to volunteer. (i was a working student; i didn't have the time or transportation to go places and volunteer; and, worst of all, the only places i was able to volunteer at were, for example, hospitals - places that give me massive panic attacks and make me pass out.)
i have all of my credits, and i have high As in everything, and no diploma, so i am treated as a drop out.
i am going to get the hours before moving to the US, though, i think, somehow. having a diploma will make working (and probably immigrating) much easier.
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Anyway, you have to go back to school because I'm back in school. If you're the dumbest person in the world, then we're doing a lot fucking better than I thought we were.
You're one of the smartest people I've seen on LJ (plus you are funny). Plus school doesn't measure intelligence, it measures how well you assimilate into being able to be considered intelligent. Since, I'm somewhat of a chameleon and have a really good memory (this worked out great for me.
Sandwiches for all!
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I questioned shit in my head - but did not stand up for myself well. I just got smaller and smaller.
It took me years to learn that I wasn't the problem. I just beat myself up and called myself stupid for a long time.
My brain would shut itself down and FIGHT what it knew was illogical bullshit that did not fit within my understanding of the world - what it felt like was brain shut down. Now I see it as survival.
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thnks for writing that, nice to read another's perspective ..
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in ontario, you need 40 hours of community service to graduate. and for various reasons i was unable to volunteer. (i was a working student; i didn't have the time or transportation to go places and volunteer; and, worst of all, the only places i was able to volunteer at were, for example, hospitals - places that give me massive panic attacks and make me pass out.)
i have all of my credits, and i have high As in everything, and no diploma, so i am treated as a drop out.
i am going to get the hours before moving to the US, though, i think, somehow. having a diploma will make working (and probably immigrating) much easier.
Reply
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