yea i pretty much have been blazing an eating like crazy. more blazing but still. its awfullll. i got a job at a gym so hopefully it will help me bc i always feel fat just standing there while everyone gets to work out. everything with george went downhill and we didnt talk for over a month, but now were chill and talking again :) but back to my ( Read more... )

well 2nd semester started. i got accepted to SFSU but im not going to go. my eating has been ok. somedays are ehh but others are great. ive noticed that when im not counting calories i consume alot less bc im not thinking about food as much. so i guess thats good. softball started and i hope this is just one more thing to keep me away from food. ( Read more... )

My life has been so shitty the past 2 weeks. I ruined everything with george... I have been eating the most unhealthy food... taking to many of my sisters vicodin...getting to high to even function... not doing my school work, barely working at my job. Fuck it all ( Read more... )

well i realized that George is making me go insane. i havent posted on here because everything was great and i didnt feel so down. now im almost at my lowest low. george and i are fighting, and i feel like my ednos is taking over me because of this. ive never not been wanted by someone, not that he doesnt want me, but you know. we arent talking. ( Read more... )

well today i missed 1st period, again, and got faded. i ate a bagel at snack and then i went to coldstone at lunch and got an oero overload with sinless ice cream. i spilt it with my friend, but i still really regret it. my total intake today was 800 calories. i guess thats alot better from yesterday. hopefully this is a pattern, where i eat less ( Read more... )

well i just added up all of my calories for today... 1220!!! ahhhh. so disgusting. and the worst part is that i dont even fell like i ate that much. well i guess i kinda did. i just want to puke. but i dont purge bc its pointless. i know that i burned all of those calories already today plus some, but i mean, if i didnt eat that, then it would have ( Read more... )

i have a coldsore. worst thing ever for my self esteem. i dont want to talk to anybody or be seen. ive had it for 3 days now and it never got huge bc i keep putting medication on it, but i just want it off my lip! i dont want george to see me so i am somewhat avoiding him, which i guess is bad. we got in a fight tonight. all he does is play fucking ( Read more... )

i guess my great day didnt end all that great. my friend asked me if i wanted to put in for a sack but i said no bc i thought i should really turn my life around, then i realized that no matter what state of mind im in, im just going to do what i feel like doing. so now i have to meet someone in the back of my house at 730 in the morning to get the ( Read more... )

So today is my first day back at school after breaaak. I'm really happy to see everyone and I'm happy bc now I won't eat as much. I weighed myself once over break and I was 136 which made me happy bc I was 149 a few months ago. Everyone is saying how good I look even though I still think I'm fat. But I'm staying positive and I'm going to lose waaay ( Read more... )

Well i woke up this morning and went on myspace. and i go to georges myspace (the boy i have a 'thing' with) and i see the girl i dislike most commenting him. i was so outraged. he knows i hate her. and he and i would talk shit about her, and now hes talking to her?! raaah. i guess i kinda like when these things happen bc they anger me, and when im ( Read more... )