Let's Play Hivebent
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Act 5 Act 1: MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND
Part 2: Ace Legislacerator
Link back to comic: Page 2031
[ BGM - The Lemonsnout Turnabout ]
Terezi Pyrope
gallowsCalibrator
Interests: Dragons, colors, live action roleplaying, justice, games
Fetch Modus: Scratch & Sniff
You cut to the chase and begin larping immediately. The fact that you live by yourself doesn't stop you from roleplaying out elaborate courtroom drama scenarios with your various Scalemate stuffed animals.
Mr. Lemonsnout is relieved when a favorable coinflip saves him from a cruel fate.
What are you talking about, Lemonsnout? The prosecution sees no coin.
SHE'S FUCKING BLIND, REMEMBER?
That's enough of this silliness.
For now.
Later, once you enter the Medium, you will use your cane to beat the shit out of monsters, like some human superhero you've never heard of.
But right now, you don't even know what the Medium is!
Anyway, it's time to start recruiting members for the Red Team! Most of these people are definitely out of the question.
How about her? You enjoy roleplaying via Trollian as members of the proud and mysterious Dragonyy'yd Race together. You don't have the heart to tell her you're doing it facetiously.
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]
GC: *GC L4NDS ON YOUR WH3LP1NG STOOP 4ND R4PS ON YOUR C4V3 W1TH H3R NOBL3 4ND 3L3G4NT T4LON*
AC: :33 < *ac saunters from her dark cave a little bit sl33py from the recent kill*
AC: :33 < *ac begs your pardon while she rips apart this tasty beast to prepare a meal for her cubs*
GC: *GC 3Y3S THE CUBS HUNGR1LY!*
GC: *4ND M1GHT1LY*
AC: :33 < dont you dare!
AC: :33 < i mean
AC: :33 < *ac shouts dont you dare!*
AC: :33 < *indignantly*
GC: *BUT 1T 1S TOO L4T3! GC SCOOPS UP 4 PLUMP CUB W1TH H3R GL1ST3N1NG M4J3ST1C T41L 4ND FL13S OFF M4G1C4LLY*
AC: :33 < *ac says noooooooo and looks a bit crestfallen*
AC: :33 < *ac gets a clever idea to slake the majestic dragons mighty hunger*
GC: H3Y DO YOU W4NT TO PL4Y 4 G4M3 W1TH M3?
AC: :33 < *ac crinkles up her nose and prepares for a really unprecedented marathon of baffling feline obstinacy*
GC: NO NO TH4T W4S 4 R34L QU3ST1ON
GC: W4NT TO PL4Y 4 G4M3??
GC: OK YOU C4N B3 ON MY T34M
AC: :33 < well it does sound like it will be a lot of fun but i think i should get purrmission first
GC: BL4R!!!!!
GC: TH4TS SO STUP1D
GC: H3S NOT TH3 BOSS OF YOU
AC: :33 < i know!
AC: :33 < but still im kind of scared of him and i think purrhaps its best to just run it by him first so there isnt a kerfuffle about it or anything
GC: F11111N3
GC: 1N TH3 M34NT1M3 1 W1LL GO ROUND UP SOME MOR3 P3OPL3 TO PL4Y
AC: :33 < k!
Gamzee doesn't seem like he'll be able to join your team right now, either. He's too busy being spaced out by the ocean.
That leaves... ugghhhh.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]
CG: HEY GUESS WHAT, BIG NEWS.
CG: YOU'RE NOT THE RED TEAM LEADER.
CG: THAT'S ME.
CG: I'M THE LEADER.
GC: W3LL 1T M4Y SURPR1S3 YOU TO KNOW TH4T 1 DONT G1V3 4 CR4P WHO G3TS TO B3 L34D3R B3C4US3 UNL1K3 YOU 1 4CTU4LLY H4V3 4 FUCK1NG SM1DG3N OF M4TUR1TY 4ND S3LF R3SP3CT
CG: THAT'S A LIE, YOU'RE MORE OF A MELODRAMA SPAZ QUEEN THAN ME AND YOU KNOW IT AND THIS STUFF YOUR SAYING IS A PRETEND STUNT.
GC: UUUUUUUUHNG
GC: K4RK4T 1 DONT C444R3
CG: OK, GREAT.
CG: IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION I HAVE SELECTED YOU TO BE MY SECOND IN COMMAND.
GC: R333334444LLY????
GC: SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON >;] <3 <3 <3
GC: 1 WOULD H4V3 SUGG3ST3D YOU B3 TH3 L34D3R BUT HON3STLY 1T COM3S W1TH S3R1OUS R3SPONS1B1L1T13S 4ND 1 W4SNT SUR3 1F YOU W3R3 UP TO 1T
CG: HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT.
CG: I'M AN INCREDIBLE LEADER WITH ALL KINDS OF PRIORITIZATION AND COMMAND SKILLS.
CG: SO JUST GIVE ME THE FULL BRIEFING, WHAT DO YOU KNOW.
GC: OK TH3 TH1NG YOU N33D TO KNOW 1S TH3 L34D3R ST4RTS OUT BY RUNN1NG THE CL13NT 4PPL1C4T1ON
GC: WH1L3 1 TH3 LOWLY S3COND OFF1C3R CONN3CTS TO YOU W1TH TH3 S3RV3R WH1L3 1 R3M41N G3N3R4LLY 1N 4W3 OF YOUR M4NLY GR4ND3UR
CG: THIS IS WHAT I WAS MADE FOR.
CG: LAUNCH YOUR SERVER OR WHATEVER, I'LL INSTALL THE HERO PROGRAM.
GC: OK 1F YOU 1NS1ST
GC: F4R B3 1T FROM M3 TO STOP YOU FROM B31NG SO D4SH1NG 4ND COUR4G3OUS
GC: 4NYTH1NG TO G3T YOU TO STOP B31NG SUCH 4 B4BY
CG: WHAT'S A BABY.
GC: 1TS L1K3 4 MYTH1C4L L1TTL3 P1NK MONK3Y
GC: SOM3TH1NG MY LUSUS DR34MS 4BOUT
CG: I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE ONE.
GC: 1 DONT
GC: Y3T
GC: 1F 1 3V3R D1D H4V3 ON3 1T WOULD M34N TH3 WORLD W4S COM1NG TO 4N 3ND
CG: WE NEED TO GET YOU OUT OF THAT FUCKING TREE AND INTO A PROPER GODDAMN LAWNRING.
CG: YOU'VE BEEN STUNTED LIVING UP THERE, BY THE WHISPERS OF FUCKING BARK GNOMES OR SOMETHING.
GC: 1 LOV3 MY TR33!
GC: BUT YOUR3 W3LCOM3 TO V1S1T SOM3 T1M3
GC: 1TS 3SP3C14LLY N1C3 1N TH3 TH1RD 4UTUMN
CG: OK WELL
CG: SPEAKING OF THAT
CG: I SHOULD GO DOWNSTAIRS AND DEAL WITH THIS GRUMPY CUSTOMER.
GC: OK! >:D
Much later, in the Land of Pulse and Haze...
CG: YOU CAN SEE ME RIGHT.
CG: TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.
GC: NO 1 C4NT S33 YOU DUMB4SS
CG: OH YEAH.
GC: WH4T COLORS YOUR BLOOD?
CG: WHOA NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
CG: SERIOUSLY WAS THAT A SERIOUS QUESTION?
CG: UNBELIEVABLE.
GC: 1 W1LL F1ND OUT SOM3 D4Y
CG: WHAT IS WITH YOUR OBSESSION WITH COLORS.
CG: IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU WASTE ALL MY HARD EARNED GRIST RAMBLING MY HIVE AROUND LIKE THAT NOT EVEN IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FUCKING GATE.
CG: BUT THEN YOU GO AND SPEND IT ON AN UGLY PAINT JOB.
CG: I KILLED A LOT OF IMPS FOR THAT GRIST.
GC: DONT PR3T3ND YOU D1DNT 3NJOY GO1NG 4ROUND K1LL1NG TH1NGS
GC: PR4NC1NG 4ROUND W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 S1CKL3 B31NG 4LL 4DOR4BL3
CG: MORE LIKE...
CG: ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
CG: I'M PRANCING AROUND BEING THAT, OK?
CG: ANYWAY THIS IS AWFUL, THIS IS NO WAY FOR A LEADER TO BE TREATED.
GC: TH1S 1S WH4T TH3 L34D3R 1S SUPPOS3D TO DO
GC: 1M YOUR S3RV3R PL4Y3R SO PR1OR1TY H4S TO B3 ON M3 G3TT1NG 1N TH3 G4M3
GC: B3FOR3 1 G3T K1LL3D BY M3T3ORS
CG: WHOA WAIT, WHAT?
CG: METEORS?
GC: OH BOY YOU N33D TO G3T W1TH TH3 PROGR4M K4RK4T
GC: H4V3 YOU T4LK3D TO 44
GC: OR T4
GC: OR 4G 1 GU3SS
GC: OR C4
CG: WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME SO I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO ANY OF THOSE DOUBLETALKING ASSHOLES.
GC: 1 C4NT!
GC: 1 GOTT4 ST3P OUT OF TH3 TR33 FOR 4 MOM3NT
GC: WH3N 1 COM3 B4CK 1 W1LL 3NT3R TH3 G4M3
GC: CY4!
Back in the present...
You have no idea why you did that.
There was probably a reason, though. There's always a reason...
You go downstairs and confront your crabby custodian, which is just another word for your Lusus.
Trolls don't have parents. Adult trolls pass on their genetic material via Filial Pails, carried deep underground and given to the Mother Grub, who combines them all into one diabolical incestuous slurry, and lays thousands of eggs at once.
The newborn larval trolls, once they pupate, are subjected to a series of dangerous trials in the brooding caverns. If they survive, they will be selected by a lusus, one of the natural inhabitants of the extremely dangerous Alternian underground, and together they go to the surface and build a hive.
After that, they're pretty much on their own. Almost all of the adult trolls are off-planet, conquering alien worlds. The local culture is maintained almost entirely by the young.
Sollux Captor
twinArmageddons
Interests: Programming, hacking, bifurcation, psychic powers, games
Fetch Modus: Encryption
You feel no particular need to set your Strife Specibus to anything.
A powerful psionic like you has no need to limit himself.
Anyway, time to get people playing this game you found.
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]
TA: TZ you want two be the leader of one of the team2?
GC: OK 1 P1CK TH3 R3D T34M!!! >8D
TA: ok ii diidnt 2ay anythiing about a red team, or even that there were two team2, but fiine.
GC: OBV1OUSLY YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO S3T UP R3D 4ND BLU3 T34MS COM3 ON
TA: maybe there ii2 more two me than you thiink.
TA: maybe ii am not the two triick hoofbea2t you want two make me out a2.
GC: M4YB3 M4YB3 1S 4 STUP1D WORD
GC: M4YB3 TH4TS TH3 B1G M4YB3 W3 SHOULD 4LL POND3R TON1GHT
GC: OV3R SOM3 HOT SHUT TH3 H3LL UP T34
GC: HOW 3X4CTLY 4R3 W3 S4V1NG TH3 WORLD?
TA: ii dont know yet.
TA: ii ju2t know what iive 2een iin my vii2iion2.
TA: that the world wiill end and our whole race diie2 and thii2 ii2 how we 2ave iit.
TA: we wiill all diie but mo2t e2peciially me, end of 2tory.
GC: DONT T4K3 TH1S TH3 WRONG W4Y BUT HOW C4N YOU B3 TOT4LLY SUR3 4BOUT 4LL TH4T?
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW SOM3 OF TH3 R34L V1S1ONS YOUR3 H4V1NG 4R3NT G3TT1NG K1ND OF T4NGL3D UP W1TH UHHH
GC: SORT OF TH3 W4Y YOU 4R3 4BOUT YOURS3LF
GC: HOW YOU G3T MOP3Y 4ND YOUR3 4LW4YS TH3 V1CT1M OF SOM3TH1NG 4ND HOW SOM3T1M3S YOU TH1NK YOU SUCK WH3N YOU R34LLY DONT
TA: ok that2 ju2t 2ome per2onal priivate emotiional ii22ue2 and iim dealiing wiith that, and hone2tly iid appreciiate you not alway2 throwiing that iin my face every goddamn opportuniity you get.
GC: S33, GOD
GC: SO S3NS1T1V3
TA: 2eriiou2ly talk two aa 2he wiill corroborate everythiing.
TA: you and 2he are pretty tiight arent you?
GC: NOT R34LLY 4NYMOR3
GC: SH3 US3D TO B3 4 LOT OF FUN
GC: BUT NOW T4LK1NG TO H3R, 1 DONT KNOW
TA: ok well toniight2 not about fun, thii2 ii2 2eriiou2.
GC: SCR3W YOU 4ND YOUR SH1TST41NS
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 4 FUCK1NG BL4ST 4ND YOU C4NT STOP M3
GC: BLU3 T34M 2222222CUM >:]
TA: oh 2h11t 11t2 onnnnnn 2uck4.
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
AA: did y0u set up the teams
TA: 2tiill workiing on iit but yeah more or le22.
TA: we 2hould all be playiing 2oon.
TA: 2o ii gue22 you 2hould be pretty happy when we fiinally get out of here?
AA: i d0nt kn0w ab0ut that
TA: wiill you at lea2t be able two leave the voiice2 behiind?
AA: i d0nt kn0w ab0ut that either
TA: ii2nt that kiind of depre22iing?
AA: n0t really
AA: im 0k with it
AA: im 0k with a l0t 0f things
AA: even 0ur inevitable failure
TA: wow FUCK.
TA: that wa2 2o much more depre22iing than the thiing ii ju2t 2aiid.
TA: do me a favor and 2pare me your 2pooky conundrum2 twoniight, youre kiind of pii22iing me off.
AA: but y0u like t0 talk t0 me
AA: why d0 y0u like t0 talk t0 me
TA: oh ii dont know, maybe becau2e we are 2uppo2ed two 2ave the world twogether???
TA: ii al2o talk two you becau2e iin ca2e you havent notiiced ii de2pii2e my2elf and perpetually 2eek two dupliicate through emotiional paiin the cacophony of phy2iical paiin my hiideou2 mutant braiin cau2e2 me every day.
TA: oh my god ii ju2t had a breakthrough!!!
AA: 0_0
AA: s0llux i actually w0uld like it if you were happy
AA: y0u seem sad and angry all the time
AA: what d0es anger feel like
AA: i f0rg0t
TA: have you ever been angry?
TA: why dont you a2k karkat, he2 way angriier than me.
AA: i think his anger serves a greater purp0se
AA: its part 0f his destiny and thus 0urs
AA: it will help him t0 sab0tage his 0wn designs
AA: which are very much in 0pp0siti0n t0 the br0ader purp0se
AA: and will s0w the seeds 0f 0ur failure
AA: this game will n0t save the w0rld
TA: the fuck??
AA: unf0rtantely it is much cl0ser t0 serving as the instrument 0f 0ur pe0ples demise than that 0f their salvati0n
AA: and we twelve will behave simultane0usly as the pawns and the 0rchestrat0rs of the great und0ing
TA: ii dont want two play anymore then.
AA: y0u will th0ugh
AA: it cann0t be st0pped
AA: mete0rs are en r0ute
AA: y0u kn0w this s0llux
TA: who care2, iim yankiing the grubtube on thii2 overpunctured biitch.
TA: iim telliing red team leader two forget the whole thiing.
TA: iim quiittiing a2 blue team leader.
AA: y0u were never g0ing t0 be the team leader th0ugh
TA: are you me22iing wiith me??
TA: you do realiize iim p2ychiic two.
AA: im c0ming up
TA: huh???
TA: up where.
TA: hello??????????????
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]
TA: hey change of plan, we arent playiing thii2 game anymore.
GC: 1M NOT TH3 L34D3R 4NYMOR3
GC: K4RK4T 1S
GC: H3 THR3W 4 T4NTRUM 4BOUT 1T SO 1 L3T H1M B3 TH3 R3D L34D3R
TA: ok that wa2 faiirly prediictable but that2 fiine.
GC: WH4TS GO1NG ON?
TA: nothiing, thii2 game 2uck2 and aa ii2 full of crap.
TA: 2orry about all thii2.
GC: >:?
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
TA: hey change of plan, we arent playiing thii2 game anymore.
CG: HEY.
CG: GUESS WHO THE RED LEADER IS?
CG: I'M THE LEADER. IT'S ME.
TA: ii know, 2he told me, ii dont care.
TA: the game ii2 bad new2, iit wiill cau2e the end of the world, not 2top iit.
CG: HAHAHA! SO PATHETIC.
CG: THIS IS YET ANOTHER FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO WEAKEN YOUR OPPOSITION.
CG: TEREZI AND I HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED A CONNECTION AND WE ARE MAKING GREAT PROGRESS HERE.
TA: oh god.
TA: no you iidiiot, ii dont care about the game anymore.
CG: YOU'RE EITHER BEING REALLY PERSISTENT WITH THIS TRANSPARENT RUSE, OR YOU REALLY ARE JUST THAT SAD AND INCOMPETENT.
CG: NEITHER CASE DESERVES MY RESPECT OR MY FRIENDSHIP.
CG: IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT, FRIENDSHIP CANCELED.
TA: oh liike you havent 2aiid that liike a biilliion tiime2.
TA: you arent iin any po2iitiion two que2tiion my competence.
TA: youre the wor2t programmer iive ever 2een, you dont know anythiing about computer2, why do you bother.
CG: TO BE HONEST I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT YOUR PROGRAMMING OR HACKING.
CG: WHAT IS A HACKER EVEN? JUST SOME SMUG ASSHOLE IN MOVIES DOING FAKE THINGS AND MAKING UP WORDS.
CG: WHAT DOES ALL THIS NONSENSICAL CODE YOU WROTE EVEN DO?
CG: IT'S ALL NONSENSE.
CG: LIKE A BLUFF. YOU JUST SAY, OH KARKAT WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT I WROTE IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE HE'S TOO DUMB TO FIGURE IT OUT.
CG: WELL YOU'RE BUSTED, THESE VIRUSES HERE I BET DO NOTHING AT ALL.
TA: waiit, KK...
CG: I BET IF I RAN THEM NOTHING BAD WOULD HAPPEN.
CG: HOW ABOUT THIS IDIOTIC PROGRAM WITH THE RED AND BLUE CODE, WHICH IS A MEANINGLESS THING TO DO WITH CODE ANYWAY.
CG: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SCAMS.
TA: oh god, no dont run that, iim 2eriiou2.
TA: iit would be really, really bad iif you ran iit, ju2t dont.
CG: COMPILING AS WE SPEAK, IT WILL AUTORUN WHEN IT FINISHES.
CG: AND NOW I HAVE TO GO ATTEND TO SOMETHING OUTSIDE, BECAUSE TEREZI IS DOING SOMETHING JUST UNSPEAKABLY STUPID RIGHT NOW.
TA: KK DO NOT RUN THAT CODE.
TA: hello??????????????
carcinoGeneticist's [CG'S] computer exploded.
TA: oh my god.
In running Sollux's Double Mobius Reacharound Virus, you brought about a curse on your entire session. All of your lusii would soon die. All but one of your kernelsprites would be prototyped with your dead lusii. For the first time, you would all become able to talk to your lusii as sprites.
However, all the enemies awaiting you in the Medium would also gain the powers of your lusii.
Why did you ever send Karkat that code? That's it. It's time to delete all your viruses.
This one, though...
You found this code on an obscure server, drifting deep in the distant reaches of outer space, beyond your planet's network. All it does is wait until the universe ends, then run an unknown program.
What kind of harm could come from a virus that only runs after the end of the universe? Strange, and pointless.
But Sollux couldn't know that the program would summon an indestructible demon into the shattered universe, to pick apart its cadaver at his whim.
He also couldn't know that the program is just a formality.
The demon is already here.
NEXT CHAPTER: Blue team!
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