Let's Play Homestuck
<< | ^^ | >>
Act 5 Act 2: He Is Already Here.
Part 2: Amazing Spidertroll
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]
AG: Joooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooohn!
AG: W8ke up!!!!!!!!
EB: that is so many o's.
AG: It is 8ight groups of 8ight. I specifically counted them.
AG: It's sort of a thing I do.
EB: i'm pretty sure i remember you. you hassled me a long time ago.
EB: i think you threatened to kill me at some point.
AG: John, give me a 8r8k! That was o8viously just my way of getting to know you.
EB: well, yeah, i know that about you guys by now.
EB: but also i know that it is probably not exactly an empty threat!
EB: since one of you already managed to trick me into getting myself killed.
AG: That was pro8a8ly Terezi! I should have known she would pull something like that. What a meddler.
EB: huh. it never really occurred to me to ask what your names are.
EB: kinda rude of me!
EB: what is yours?
AG: Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. ::::)
EB: man, that sounds so made up!
AG: And you don't have to worry a8out me manipul8ting you to your death!
AG: It is completely 8eneath me. Unlike her, I plan on taking the high road.
AG: You see John, you and I actually have some things in common, 8ut you couldn't possi8ly understand why yet.
EB: ok, i will be sure to let my guard down.
EB: psyche!!!!!!!!!
EB: oh damn, that was 9 !'s.
EB: !!!!!!!1
EB: shit!
EB: if you don't mind, i would like to try to go back to sleep.
AG: You can't sleep now, John!
AG: What a8out J8de????????
EB: oh god, i forgot!
EB: i have to hurry and go save her!
AG: Where the hell do you think you're going to go? You don't even have your copy of the game yet!
EB: do you know where i am supposed to get it?
AG: Easy! Just w8 around for a few minutes.
AG: Even though you were going to do this stuff anyway, it turns out I am the reason you were going to do it anyway in the first place!
AG: Your timeline is my we8, and suddenly you are all tangled up in it, wriggling and helpless.
AG: Isn't that cooooooool????????
EB: so, you seem to like 8's a whole bunch, and i guess you are like, kind of spidery themed or something?
EB: haha, spiders are gross!
AG: Fuck you!!!!!!!!
Hey, look! It's your copy of Sburb!
You finally land.
Becquerel makes sure you do so safely.
NAP TIME
EB: jade is not answering!
EB: are you sure she's ok?
AG: She's asleep!
AG: She sure seems to sleep a lot. She sort of reminds me of my goo8er teamm8.
EB: you mean carcino geneticist?
AG: Hahahaha, no way! Karkat is so up tight, he hardly slept a wink over the whole 600 hour span of our quest.
EB: heheh. car cat. that is how i am saying that.
EB: beep beep, meow!
AG: Why don't you tell me what you were just dreaming a8out that was so important, fellow Prospit dreamer????????
AG: Prospit is the 8est. Derse is where all the rejects hang out. Am I right?
EB: i never even saw prospit.
EB: aside from flaming bits and pieces of it i guess.
AG: 8ut you didn't answer my question! What was so important that you wanted to go 8ack to sleep again for?
EB: my dad was there.
AG: What's that?
EB: um, you know...
EB: my guardian?
AG: Oh, you mean the adult male human who lived in your hive?
AG: Haha, I was wondering a8out that. I was like, what the hell is this guy doing in this kid's hive? Where is his lusus? Is he an orphan contending with some sort of meddlesome grownup squatter????????
EB: these observations are very alien of you.
AG: Yes, I just chalked it up as generic alien weirdness and didn't think too much a8out it. Just another series of strange exhi8its from an inferior civiliz8tion.
EB: the funny thing is, he is not even really my dad.
EB: i mean, i was adopted by him, although we are not actually unrelated, i think.
EB: nanna is sort of like my biological mother, and my biological father would be jade's grandpa, sorta.
EB: both of which i just created, with slime and stuff, and sent back in time as babies.
EB: so i guess, if anything, that makes my dad...
EB: my half brother???
AG: ::::\
AG: W8! 8efore you wander too far off course like a doofus, you need to know how to get to a return node!
AG: So you can get 8ack to your computer. Here, hang on, I am making you a map.
EB: but i know where i'm going!
EB: terezi already made me a map.
AG: What!!!!!!!!
AG: When did she do that? I mean from my perspective? Do you think she already did it, or hasn't done it yet?
EB: wow, how could i possibly know that!
AG: I will show her though. I will show her the meaning of helpfulness.
AG: I will help this little human nerd under the ta8le. The very same ta8le you dined at, while I w8ted on you prong and fucking nu8.
EB: you mean like a candle light hate date?
AG: God, no!!!!!!!! With a human? Gross.
EB: why do you want to be so helpful, anyway?
EB: i mean, with her i got the sense she was being kind of jokestery about it, which is something i can understand.
EB: but why bother helping, if we aren't going to win anyway?
AG: Just 8ecause you are going to fail doesn't mean it won't 8e any fun along the way!
AG: 8y the looks of things, you have a very exciting 24 hours ahead of you.
EB: that is nice to know.
AG: Yes, and 8esides. Continuing on this path and 8ringing Jade into the game I think you will agree is very important!
AG: Only when all players have entered with a prototyped kernel does the 8attlefield assume its final form.
AG: That form prepares Skaia to grow the new universe you will cre8te.
AG: Or in this case, fail to cre8te. 8ut whatever!
EB: we are supposed to create a universe?
AG: 8oy. How clueless can you get.
AG: Anyway, you should 8e glad it's the point. And you should 8e glad your predecessors were not such a sad sack group of players like you guys.
AG: Otherwise your universe would not exist, seeing as we cre8ted it 8y 8eing incredi8le in every way.
EB: you did?
EB: i don't know what to think about that.
EB: well to be honest, i never really believed any of your guys's doom and gloom nonsense.
EB: not because i think you are lying...
EB: i just feel like there must still be a way to win!
AG: That's the spirit, John!
IIIIIIIMPS
That's IT.
Everybody out.
You are DEAD serious.
AG: John, why are you standing around wasting time????????
EB: i was just pausing for a moment...
EB: to look at my trashed movie posters.
EB: they bring back memories, of a life that i guess is long gone now.
EB: it wasn't even that long ago, but it already seems like forever since i was on earth!
EB: it was a pretty nice place, i bet you would have liked it.
AG: It seems a little too sunny for my liking.
EB: well, what about you? do you miss your planet, and your parents and such?
AG: The life I left 8ehind wasn't so hot, to 8e honest.
AG: Why don't we not talk a8out that!
AG: What are these movies, anyway? They look just awful.
EB: this one here is so great. it is about this street tough renegade who did hard time behind bars, and wants nothing more in the world than to reunite with his loving wife and daughter. but not so fast! he has to go on crazy and dangerous escapades through the sky with a motley assortment of rogues led by john malkovich, who is wise to cage's heroic nature and pure heart. they tether a grumpy police man's awesome car to the plane and smash it, and then later they crash into some casinos. cage gets out of the wreckage and hugs his family, and i usually tear up a little.
EB: that is my working troll title for the movie, i hope it was ok.
AG: John, even though your title is quite amusing and pro8a8ly kind of cute, that movie sounds hilariously 8ad!
EB: yeah, well you are hilariously WRONG!
EB: here, hang on, i will show you.
EB: http://tinyurl.com/hullohumminburr
AG: Man. I am not watching this shitty video. It looks so 8ad!
EB: ok, suit yourself.
EB: but there it is, in case you are ever hankering after some incredible movie magic.
AG: Oh, gr8.
AG: Uh........
AG: John?
EB: what?
AG: Ok, I will slide you a 8r8k 8ecause clearly your 8lock was just ransacked.
AG: 8ut may8e you want to put that away? Somewhere discreet, where you usually keep it?
AG: There is at least one girl spying on you right now, you know.
EB: put what away? what are you talking about?
AG: Your pail is showing, stupid!!!!!!!!
EB: you mean this bucket here?
AG: Yes! Come on, will you take a hint and show some decorum????????
EB: umm...
EB: i'm really not following. what do you have against buckets?
AG: Ok, may8e humans don't really have any sense of shame over this sort of thing?
EB: it's just a bucket! you know, for putting soapy water in and cleaning stuff with.
EB: why, what do trolls use them for?
AG: Oh.
AG: That's what I was talking a8out. Your cleaning 8ucket.
AG: In troll culture we consider cleaning products to 8e really indecent or something!
AG: I am 8lushing furiously a8out it right now. Please try to 8e sensitive to my cultural ways and understandings.
EB: wow... uh. that is definitely pretty odd.
EB: but ok, i'm sorry you saw my bucket. i will just chuck it out the window i guess.
AG: Thank you, John. That is very gentlemanly of you.
AG: Now will you quit shitting around and get on with it!!!!!!!! God.
You show some decorum and discard the sordid receptacle.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
EB: hey rose!
TT: Hi.
EB: how are you doing? i don't even remember the last time we talked.
EB: i have been so busy.
EB: and it looks like you have been too.
TT: Actually, building up your house has been one of the more trivial ways I've passed the time.
EB: well, it must have cost a fortune!
TT: We have a lot of grist.
TT: Last I checked, more than a million units of several different types.
EB: oh yeah...
EB: what's up with the alchemiter?
EB: it looks weird.
TT: Upgrades.
EB: yeah...
EB: uh...
EB: what have you been doing this whole time???
TT: Why don't you tell me what you've been up to first?
TT: I've been curious, but too preoccupied to inquire.
EB: i have been talking to a lot of trolls, for one thing.
EB: they sure are a talkative bunch!
EB: and then i cloned some slime babies in the veil.
TT: Did you?
EB: ok, long story short is, jade is my slime clone sister, and dave is your slime clone brother, and we were all born today!
TT: I figured that out.
TT: Anything else?
EB: then i fell asleep, and woke up on the battlefield.
EB: oh!
EB: rose, i am fairly sure i saw your mom!
EB: she was with my dad.
TT: Did she seem happy?
EB: happy?
EB: wow, i dunno.
EB: maybe i will find out next time i go to sleep.
EB: now stop being so spookily mysterious and tell me what you've been doing!
TT: Investigating, mostly.
TT: Everything there is to investigate.
TT: Information hidden in the lore of our lands, concealed in ruins and riddles.
TT: I'm looking for whatever there is to discover about the game, and more importantly, whatever exceeds its boundaries.
EB: oh, rose, did you know that we are supposed to be creating a universe with this game?
EB: i think that's pretty neat!
TT: It is, in principle.
TT: But it won't happen.
TT: This session was never meant to bear fruit.
EB: i am still skeptical about that, though.
TT: That's why you're our leader, John.
EB: that's stupid.
EB: i'm not your leader, i am your FRIEND, there is a BIG difference!
TT: Statements like that are also why you're our leader.
EB: so, if you're sure that we are going to fail...
EB: what is the point of everything we're doing?
TT: The objective is no longer to win.
TT: It's to do as much damage to the game as possible.
TT: To rip its stitches and pry answers from the seams.
TT: We will snatch purpose from the jaws of futility.
EB: i suddenly don't understand anything.
You've been quite busy.
Time to get to some investigating.
NEXT CHAPTER: Flighty Broads!
<< | ^^ | >>