the ties that bind...

[proverbialgirl]

I've been having conversations with a friend about dom/sub relationships. In his world view there are only four types of people; dominates, submissives, switches, and vanillas. Admittedly, I had only considered the sexual play of these roles... he explained that the roles are actually more like ethnicities; you are what you are

Comments

[schwap23]

You could just as easily divide these behavior patterns into two categories: healthy and un-healthy, with you on one side (most of the time anyway;), and everyone you've described on the other... Just saying...

[aineotter]

Hm. put that way, the only 'vanilla' folk out there would have to be hermets, or possibly Quakers. I don't know of many people who can avoid social dominance/submission in daily life. Though I tend to think of that as more of a continuum, and highly contextual, rather than an either/or thing; I know damn well I'd better tuck my tail with the senior pathologists, but I'm expected to instruct the senior students (and got reprimanded once for letting them use my first name).

I's occurred to me that many (maybe all) relationships involve some kind of power exchange, only most don't recognise or negotiate it, and don't use a safeword.

[proverbialgirl]

I's occurred to me that many (maybe all) relationships involve some kind of power exchange, only most don't recognise or negotiate it, and don't use a safeword.

Yep, I think this was the first time I actually REALLY understood it in terms of fam dynamics. Even when you kind of know, it's weird when you can actually put a name to what's happening ya know?