It has been months. I still miss everything about her. It really bums me out that she's out there dating someone else. I wanted it to be her. I wanted to marry this girl like I wanted my next breath. I just don't want to be the old man you see in the movies who hasn't found anyone he loves more than the girl he met when he was 16. I dare say I've ( Read more... )

Back to the beginning. Before the beginning. Rebecomming the man I never was and always wanted to be. Reading books about people as high and wild as I always wanted to be. Chasing the wind, chasing my great love. grabbing the life I should have had when I was 18. Being 33 is way more complicated than I ever thought. My parents never expressed these ( Read more... )

I was dead. Fallen so far and from such a place, no end in sight. No idea how to even begin to battle back. Truth be told, I didn't want to. Just let me may here and bleed a while. A year went by, then several. All the while, my silent consent screamed to the world, let me up I've had enough. No amount of desperation or destitution roused me from ( Read more... )

So fucking angry. No end in sight. It may never be done till a man's blood drips from my fists.

Well, moving day is almost upon us. Puddin' has driven the project and done much more work than me. I have been reluctant to post lately for a few reasons. One is access. I cannot post from work anymore as the site is not accessible. Two is that my journal is virtually dead. Nobody is posting here much anymore. I never had that many friends in the ( Read more... )

I think today is the last day that Puddin' has to work 5pm to 1am for a little while. I am so glad, as I am tired to death of missing her. House and The Big Bang Theory premiered last night and I have not/cannot watch them because I could not bring myself to do it without Puddin ( Read more... )

Finally on Friday, I did what it is Jiu Jitsu was supposed to do. I engaged, dominated, and totally subdued a much larger and stronger opponent using technique. I did not end up with a submission from it, but just to have been able to get on the mat with a man 6'3" 260lbs and have him in position for a rear naked choke was an amazing feeling. Maybe ( Read more... )

http://money.cnn.com/2009/08/31/news/companies/disney_marvel/index.htm?cnn=yes

With Puddin' working 5PM-1AM most days in September, I may be inclined to train my balls off. I'm thinking of 1 hour of cardio per day everyday instead of just Monday and staying after BJJ to roll on the free mat. Maybe Muay Thai with Joe or just working the heavy bag at home. Provided I have enough sleep, anyway. That's always the motivation ( Read more... )

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/08/25/meth.ring.arrests/index.html