i have now spent at least three nights in his bed.  regardless of the mood (and it has been varied), we immediately strip down to nothing while we smoke.  he holds me impossibly close, kisses my neck, and tells me that i am beautiful.  the first time, this happened only after we had made love.  the second time, it was followed by him kissing every ( Read more... )

he texted this morning to ask if he could take his two favorite girls out to breakfast.  seven a.m.;  this is a first.  i had french toast even though he kept begging me to order more food, kept insisting that it was his treat and that i should've ordered anything i wanted on the menu.  i wanted french toast.  he kissed me, said he loved me.  i am ( Read more... )

him:  i love you.  it's that simple.
me:  i love you.  always will.

leaving this place is like admitting failure.  and although my bed has long since been empty of him, my heart is still full.  i pack and cry...i pack and cry.  this is my home.  my babies first home.  i will never forget this time in our lives.  never.  but i can't do this now, say goodbye, put memories to page.  i just...can't.

we fought via text message practically all day yesterday.  he went on and on about how he was seeing somebody else (which resulted in a little pity party thrown alone on my patio with three old friends:  me, cigarette, tears), but then practically begged me (about 14 text messages worth of gems like "i'm sorry for being a dick, can i please see you ( Read more... )

let me [preface this first by saying that i am drunk to the point of swaying but coherent enough ande maybe a little bit sad enough to still be able to put thought onto page or into my fingers onto the keys.  we drink alot at the mansion--greygooose, mister sailor jerry, the jager, the other everything.  we smoke blunts like they're an endangered ( Read more... )

my breath like ice sometimes.  often times, like fire.  i am still in love, as much as i fight it off, swear it off i cannot shake the grip of his warm eyes, his hands.  we went weeks without even a phone call and then just as abrupt as the absence, was the bite of his teeth against my neck, his hands on my thighs, fistfuls of hair, and finally.  ( Read more... )

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update:  fourth of july started out as a slow-paced, lazy sort of nothing day and escalated into a pretty cool firework laden holiday.  my family bbq'd some chicken and kabobs (yummy...baby likes) and all us kids (brittany, lacy, adam, becky, chris, and me) sat around out back and munched on things and laughed.  we made an impromptu trip to the ( Read more... )

well, i guess i stopped taking pictures because my whole heart wasn't into it.  i've been devoting my heart to one thing, my boyfriend, and i realize that there is more to life than just us.  i need to break free.  touch the trigger on my camera.  sit alone.  edit.  talk to old friends.  it can't keep happening like this.  it won't.  i've realized ( Read more... )