living = learning things the hard way.  but i am strong, staying strong for myself, for the sake of my baby.  i let the tears run but never too long.  i need happy thoughts, a strong will, something to look forward to.  now, more than ever, i need my family, my friends, my boy.  i need God.  i really really need God.

'cuz  when you're used to being reckless...dancing on tables, drinking more than your fair share of available alcohol, smoking more than enough of anything...being pregnant can be down right boring!  for the most part, i've adjusted to this lifestyle, kicked around the idea of taking a knitting class, you know, things of that nature.  i am ( Read more... )

 i feel bad sometimes, about the hearts, the backs, i've had to break to get myself here.  when 'here' isn't really any much further from 'there', just a whole hell of a lot different.  i am sorry about the hurt i have caused, the ties i have broken, the dreams i have smashed underfoot in an attempt to get better, the things i stole, the tears.  i ( Read more... )

and when it rains like today, i sit and think about the time deskin and i sat against the handball wall at twila reid park in the rain.  neither of us had on anything more than hoodies, it was early spring and the rain fell hot against the asphalt creating that smell that we're all familiar with from elementary school...something i can only ( Read more... )

i have a secret that i must indulge, due to my antsy-ness, happiness, and pure need to put it down in words (and of course, since i am no good at keeping secrets for very long):

i am three months pregnant!!!

i'm going to be showing soon, so i figured i might as well start letting everyone know.  of course, some of you i've already spilled the beans ( Read more... )

my boyfriend just called.  my crouton, my puppy for 13 years is very sick.  i do not know the details but she woke up this morning with something very wrong with her stomach and my mom took her to the vet.  they said it could not be fixed without surgery and even then, it is very doubtful that she will survive.  i am just waiting for deskin to come ( Read more... )

at work .  i feel.  cut-off/stifled.  i have grown far too accustomed to taking overly long showers whenever the fuck i feel like it.  shouting expletives.  singing loudly.  stealing candy almost everyday from the ninety-nine cent store.  kissing and hugging my boyfriend incessantly.  laughing.  bong tokes at five a.m..  bong tokes whenever the ( Read more... )

today:  i did not kiss my boyfriend goodbye ( Read more... )

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for the past three days i have not been able to stop brushing my teeth.  whenever i get any sort of free time or a moment alone, the first thought that pops in my head is that my teeth are dirty, disgusting, little bones swarming with bacteria that must be cleaned, scrubbed, polished, almost painfully--or at least brushed hard until my gums bleed a ( Read more... )