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[ The sky would be so big that it broke my soul ]
So I went crazy yesterday.
Like sitting in the middle of my kitchen floor crying because none of my knives were sharp enough to do any serious damage.
For two hours.
Before this happened I recognized my suicidal thoughts as not being healthy and I called a psychologist and scored an appointment for later that evening.
I made it to the psychologist ( Read more... ) -
[ ..... ]
whenever I look in the mirror I want to break it.
Fuck.
and I was doing so good.
but now I fucking hate myself again.
I see how behind I am in school and how much work I have to do to catch up
and the only solution I keep thinking of is to just kill myself.
I'm nothing but a joke anyway. A fat, sick, disgusting joke people keep around for a good laugh.
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[ worst ever. ]
I am currently hiding under my blanket because the walls are melting and wicked, winged things are fluttering out of them and gathering in the corners.
turns out that the anti biotics im on can cause "psychotic side affects and nightmares"
I guess ive got both going on at the same time.
also Ive been vomiting since 5am. so Im not going to school.
( Read more... ) -
[ Uhmmmm.... ]
Me and Cara had a dinner party on saturday. It was fantastic. I got really drunk but stayed classy with my fancy dress and high heels and lipstick.
We made sweet potato fries and farmers market style honey mustard for an appetizer
Butternut squash soup (that took four hours to prepare because we had far too much squash to handle)
Apple and raisin ( Read more... ) -
[ Metaforests ]
I'm missing the people I lost along the way- they became rocks and trees and lost their faces, but are far behind in the forest and can no longer be found. They hide in the shadowy canopy of leaves with the bright blue patches of sky. Everything smells like flowers and apples and rotting leaves.
But one of the trees came back with a holler, ( Read more... ) -
[ and maybe you can keep me from ever being happy, but youre not gonna stop me from having fun ]
I am breaking down and cracking and tearing at the seams ( Read more... ) -
[ silliness. ]
I was going to type a log describing myself as if I were an animal on the discover channel, but decided it was just too weird.
I think the entire point was to just type out the things I've been surviving off of lately.
like tea
and tomatoes
and spinach
and whole wheat bread
and granola bars.
I like this diet.
also chicken every now and then or maybe some ( Read more... ) -
[ If I could have one wish..... ]
Let me see the world. Let me abandon my life and my responsibilities and reduce my life to just one bag and let me absorb everything the world has to offer. I crave mountains and oceans and forests and rich, deep, history.
I might be going on the Italy trip with school this summer. I keep having fantasies of just leaving the group while Im there ( Read more... ) -
[ Marijuana: a love story. ]
Okay. So Im pretty sure I can (and I might just try to) get medical marijuana.
Pot for me is not just some kind of lazy, indulgent thing. It is a spiritual thing. It is a mental state in which I can feel differently while still behaving the same, and experience the world in a way that feels better than when I am sober.
I find if I am high I can ( Read more... ) -
[ what I want. ]
I want a Jude ( Read more... )