This is a tricky subject to write about but one I should've a long time ago. As much as I write and share about myself, there are some things I seem to refuse to ever say aloud. I couldn't give a good reason why because I don't think I fully understand the reasons myself. There's a strong emotional block that keeps me from saying it to people. ( Read more... )

This post is a bit overdue, I lost track of time, and will be a more current one ( Read more... )

This post is a bit out of the blue in topic, but I said I would start clearing through some old notes. These notes have been sitting in my notepad since beforeI quit therapy. After Hitmouse ended, I was trying to focus more on myself and part of that was the intention of trying EMDR again, treatment for PTSD, if you're new or forgot. In preparation ( Read more... )

It's getting too long a gap between entries again, though I find I have nothing to talk about. I think I write when something is bothering me and I've got little of that going on. At this point I have little interest in examing the past further. I feel like I've mined whatever there is to be gleamed from that and anything more is repetitive or ( Read more... )

Bonus writing time. This topic deserves a post as WoW has been such a big part of my life for so many years and I should write it sooner rather than later ( Read more... )

So, I really set things in motion a few weeks ago with being open about suicide. There's been some tense discussions with Josh trying to resolve it. Things with Mariah blew up much worse then I imagined would happen, notably in the fact I decided to stop hiding that I had lingering feelings for her. In both cases, neither of them was happy with me ( Read more... )

The plan was to keep writing. I got my introductory posts out of the way to clear my mind...and nothing is coming to me. I've been meaning to write for the past 5 days now, I want to try and geta post in each week. But each day I don't have the energy and nothing pressing to say. I'm feeling things...sort of. I've got stuff on my mind. But there's ( Read more... )

I need to spend more time discussing the spectre of suicide raised in the last entry. Honestly, I could spend the next several entries doing that and it'll be this infinite regression of things tried and failed and slowly falling apart. It becomes a life story and I find the prospect of that daunting and tedious to write, and I have to imagine ( Read more... )

The warmer weather is once more upon us and with it I get my shit together. It's a positive feedback loop between venturing outside for long walks, watching my diet, being disciplined about my sleep schedule etc. It's still up in the air how getting to the gym will go with the pandemic going on. And as part of this positive feedback loop, writing ( Read more... )

I'm sleep cycling right now and my ability to stay awake for more then 5-12 hours is impaired. I'm also feeling rather tormented as of late. That's a good time to pick up some alcohol and ease the burden. It's quiet right now. No one around to talk to. The quiet hours in the middle of the night are sometimes the hardest, and sometimes the most ( Read more... )