I don't have a lot of energy today, so it's difficult to get to writing. I went for a walk this morning and I felt like that was gonna take up most of my energy. I also expected the pot of pasta sauce I was gonna cook up after breakfast would take the rest. So it's been a lazy day where I don't feel like doing anything. I knew writing every day ( Read more... )

About 5 months ago I began taking a notepad with me to therapy. It's not the first time I've done that, but I am doing so more consistently now. The reason for this is that while I spend much of the week distracted with one thing or another, the travel to therapy is generally focused on what it is I want to talk about. It's consciously stepping out ( Read more... )

Computer was busted for a week, so my entries have been delayed. I've been waiting to write one since the computer first broke that Friday. Because Thursday night was something to chew on ( Read more... )

I woke up this morning and didn't recognize myself in the mirror. It's been a few years since that's happened and it's certainly not a good sign ( Read more... )

My thoughts are quite fleeting when I first wake up. I decided to write them down now instead of dwelling on them in a negative way while I went for a walk, only to find them already slipped from my mind after a 3 min distraction and unable to recollect them ( Read more... )

I've been steering clear of acknowledging it fully, but I am a nihilist. The thought has been in my head for awhile now and I've avoided looking for a formal definition to see if it fit...it does. Specifically the existential and moral types of nihilism ( Read more... )

For years I have kept in mind two sayings that I have always believed, but never could quite reconcile. The first is that we hate in others what we see in ourselves. The second is that professions of belief about the world are confessions about who we are. I've never been able to see myself in these things. This morning that finally clicked. The ( Read more... )

The biggest takeaway from my last therapy session was I have a problem with control. In the context of the session, it was pointed out that in not leaving any role for my therapist to play, it was a way for me to maintain control. Yes, this is spot on and it's been rattling around in my head all week. It's causing me to look at my life through this ( Read more... )

I need to pick up the pace with writing. I'm looking through my notepad for ideas on what to write about today to find there's way more pages of notes then I realized. I'm writing notes 2-3 times faster then I am getting around to writing about them. When that happens, I inevitably just never write about those things as I emotionally disconnect ( Read more... )

It's almost 7 am and I've been up for about an hour. Woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. Something was eating at me subtly but I couldn't figure out what. I still don't know entirely. There's little things eating at me around the edges, so I guess it's an anxiety build up. I got out of bed with the intent to try and tackle a few if they're ( Read more... )