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I'm up and want to sleep. I seem to only be able to think thoughts about my mother and the effect I have over me when she acts out. I feel disempowered by her, and I see how she disempowers or tries to disempower the other men she is with. It is almost condescending I think to be so disempowering then to try to be all affectionate with me. I want ( Read more... ) -
Life is Beautiful
Sand Diego is beautiful. That is one place that is really easy to be happy as. Ryan is there. I love being with him and the object of his affections. there is something incredibly intoxicating about connecting to someone on wordless moment of joy. The perspective i enjoy the most is the one from which One's state of being sets the vibrational tone ( Read more... ) -
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My father. I love him a great deal, and I want us to always get along. I know he loves me. We have a good time together for the most part ( Read more... ) -
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what is it about this guy. When I think about him, I want to squeeze him. I want a really good hug, and some cuddling, and some really nice things. I've got images in my head of us laying in bed talking until whenever. Worry free. Maybe walks, and talks. It feels good to think about it. I think for that reason, I'll continue to ponder our ( Read more... ) -
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William lets take everything that you have issues about and forget them right this second. Lets take time to focus on everything you imagine that makes you completely happy. One of them is plants. Thinking about plants and how they just grow, and they pay no regard to anything that surrounds them. They just grow as much as they can with the energy ( Read more... ) -
Drugs and alcohol
I've gone to school early, and now i've got nothing to do until class starts. I think i did this last class also. So I've officially been absent twice to this class from lack of attention to my schedule. On Tuesday and Thursday i'm at the Dunwoody campus and i have to be at my first class at four. Now I've come to choices for life an hour early. I' ( Read more... ) -
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I'm sitting at caribou with the HP. I finally got it back from broken land. Its so nice. I don't know if someone fixed it or if it just decided it loved me again but the wireless card is working on the computer. My only beef is that it seems to be taking a bit more time to load different videos on youtube. Maybe the connection here is a little bit ( Read more... ) -
I am
I just returned to mom's house after skating. I wanted to see her while i was skating, but when i was actually in front of her i just wanted her to shut up. I don't know what is coming over me. I miss the mother that i thought she was before i started judging her so harshly. What did she do that I hurt so badly over that would have brought me to ( Read more... ) -
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I'm at home, and snowed in. The city, as i know it has shut down for the day. I suspect most people had decided to stay in and do something warm with the family. I would like to do that too, but right now everything my mother is doing is wrong, and I just want my space. I want her to be healthy, and i still want to share good things with her, but i ( Read more... ) -
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I want my mother to be unconditional. I wan't to be unconditional. I want to have friends that are there for me when i need them. I don't know that i've ever felt so alone before this period in my life. And this is the period that i've been dating the most. Why is that? I am aware that my feelings dictate the outcome of my reality, and i need to ( Read more... )