(Untitled)

[punkdhiver]

But I Never Have Car Trouble!
I’ve had it up to here with you critics

Comments

[sarahislame]

Don't get your license!

I hate driving. With a passion.
Your list provided more fuel for the fire, too!

[punkdhiver]

Whatever, we don't gotta prove nothing to nobody, never.

Me too! It's not like calf's liver, where I've never tried it and don't like it anyway! I've driven before - actually, it's a fairly traumatic experience, the driving instructor my parents hired made me go down this huge windy road in the rain my first day out.

The second time I went was with a lady who had me drive to her house because she forgot something and wanted to leave money for the grocery boy or something. She was fun.

But I still don't want to drive!

[incrediblerml]

"or a slutty dancer at Tigerheat"
--If you were, you wouldn't realize you should be mortified that you are. Obliviousness comes with that territory.

"I'm dancing at Tiger to make my ex jealous."

"What does your ex do?"

"Works at Starbucks and ... dances at Tiger."

This, of coarse, reveals the ultimate truth; hell hath no fury like the gay man scorned ... who's part of a Westside Story-esque Tigerheat dance-off...

[punkdhiver]

Having watched a lot of the Drew Carey show as a youth, I just have these visions of a large group of the gays in lots of hair product and spandex shirts, swishing their shoulders to Lady Marmalade.

And then I'd be on the side doing the Time Warp.

"It's just a step to the left.... and then a twist to the ri-i-i-i-ight!"

[incrediblerml]

Drew Carey ... he puts a black spot on the motherland.

"Let's do the tiiiiiiiime warp ag-a-a-a-a-aaaaaahn"

Would Hanz be at the tip of the pyramid, like Michael Jackson leading the Thriller dance team?

[punkdhiver]

You know, Hans is nice and all, but he'll always be the second Hans I know with sideburns.

The first has a much nearer and dearer place to my heart, ever since he and his "zany" family moved to the 'Burbs...

[versacedave]

you should move to a public transportation-friendly city ... like san francisco.

[punkdhiver]

Thought about it... but like many plants indigenous to rainforests and such, I don't think I'll thrive in a place other than my home.

[creactivity]

Wait. YOU DON'T DRIVE?

I am seriously all wtf about this.

[punkdhiver]

I know, I know... it's sort of incredulous. I think it adds to my charm.

But in truth, I want a license... to kill.

[creactivity]

You know if you get a license it doesn't mean you have to drive. It simply means you can.

[punkdhiver]

Yes, that's what I tell myself too.

"It's not an obligation." I'm gonna sit all hoity-toity on the bus with a license in my hand.

"I can, I choose not to."

[punkdhiver]

I am the grandmother who's like, "Hey! You're goin' faster than a bat out of Hades!" as the car breaks 25mph.