witches reign app
Name: Teal
Journal: teal_deer
Contact: AIM: Failscream
Plurk: lucid_seraph
gmail: ryuutenshi at gmail dot com
Character Name: Bro Strider
Series: Homestuck
Gender: male
Age & Canon Point: 29 (headcanon; age not given in canon); just before he dies at Jack Noir's hands
Requested Sponsor: He was Ruby when he was a student
Entry position (Cadet, SeeD, Instructor, other): Instructor; WTR-201 and ART-101
History: Wiki entry
Now this is a story all about how
Bro's life got flipped-turned upside down
I'd like to take a minute just sit right then
and tell you how he became a ninja guardian.
In the big big city born and raised
At the record store is where he spent most of his days
Chillin out, maxin, relaxing all cool,
And spinnin some rad beats outside of school
When a giant meteor from an interstellar war
Fell from the sky and smashed up his fave store
In the wreckage he found a baby all alone
So he picked the kid up and raised it as his own
The kid grew up both rad and a dude
And he did his best to impart a good 'tude
But destiny was callin from up in the sky
More meteors fallin to make the world go bye-bye
Crazy cat yo this is bad
His bro playin a game to bend the world like that
Is this what his life was gonna be like?
Hmm this might be allright
Even with the possible death and all that
It's not the kinda thing that'd phase this cool cat
He cut a meteor in half and decided to see then
He hoped they'd be prepared for the ninja guardian
Well the meteor was bested and he came about
There was a dude with black wings who seemed to be callin him out
Bro weren't up in his grill, Bro'd just gotten there
Bro sprang with the quickness of lightning and kicked his derriere
Bro split the platform in half and fled the scene
Only to find himself in this weird-ass Between
If anything he could say the adventure's been real
And the ninja guardian thing's sure got appeal
So here he is now in a place between worlds
Chillaxin with some cool cats and rad dudes
I've rapped long enough, Bro's story's done
That's the tale of how Bro became a ninja guardian
**
Okay and then there's some stuff here about how he became a SEED instructor, which I will now get into.
Like most of the other characters in the game, Bro came in due to Time Compression Shenanigans, this time at the age of 15. He was a GIGANTIC PAIN IN THE ASS as a student, majoring in WEP-S, with most of his electives in business and art. His one magic class was in Indirect, which he used to enhance his already naturally ridiculous speed (a few people were convinced he had to be a Sorceress or something, but he kept his natural limits mostly a secret until he got his first GF, at which point he blamed it on being THAT GOOD.)
Surprisingly, he managed to graduate into the SEED program, then again as an Instructor. His 5 Gfs would have been Cactaur, Pandemonia, Cerberus, Ifrit, and Eden - most chosen for pure speed, Ifrit because FIRE IS COOL (if... this is necessary for the AU; if he can't have summons, then ignore me?). Oddly, he's never actually USED his summons, as Bro believes quite strongly in relying on his own natural strength first and foremost, and only on the power of his Gfs if he absolutely must.
Only one year after accepting his teaching position (and establishing a reputation as one of the toughest and most idiosyncratic teachers in Garden) he fell into a deep coma and awoke three days later... several years older. Without a word, he left Garden on a six month long soul-searching pilgrimage, walking the earth in a sense.
He kept up on news from Garden as best he could, and when he heard about the arrivals of Dave Strider and Jade Strider (the latter which he found bizarre but hey, Time Shenanigans Compression, he showed back up, told the staff that he was going to be taking the second Blades class and then the Art class no they didn't get to ask questions, and resumed his teaching position.
NOW HE IS HERE AGAIN OH BOY.
Abilities & Physical Abnormalities: Speed - Bro is abnormally fast. The shadows in this flash animation are Bro. Then there's this flash. Towards the end, Dave is actually fighting Bro's afterimage.
Personality: Okay what you have to understand here is that Bro is in fact the raddest dude on the planet.
Or any planet, really, I have yet to see a troll who even remotely attempts to approach this level of pulchritude, who has quite this much mangrit. I am sorry but you cannot hope to compare with Bro in terms of radicalness, he is simply the best there is.
What, did you not see his Kamina shades? His hat? His ninja sword? Did you not notice that he is fast enough to attack people with a puppet using stop motion? Did you not see that he cut a meteor in two with a sword up there in my most outrageous rap version of his history? Did it escape your notice that this is a man who keeps swords in his refrigerator and makes puppet pornography in his spare time?
… wait hold on there back up for a second.
It is true that Bro is quite radical, and he is idolized by his brother Dave, but Bro is also excessively weird. Like all Guardians, Bro has mad crazy powers and is all up in this Sburb biznasty, having had at least some knowledge of the crazy world-ending time-fucking game beforehand. Also like all Guardians, Bro has an odd obsession. His... just... happens to be sexually questionable puppets.
It's probably ironic. Probably. Point is, we are talking about a man who is simultaneously the raddest dude on the planet who also runs a website devoted to muppet pornography.
Bro is a troll in the truest sense of the word (not actually a Troll, but a troll oh god homestuck why so complicated). He has a fierce sibling rivalry with his younger brother (also future son via cloning IT'S COMPLICATED) that still seems to be a mostly loving relationship; it's just that by 'loving' we mean 'Bro likes to use his ninja skills and super speed to move puppets around the house in order to freak Dave out' and 'has a massive swordfight with Dave on the roof in which he basically cherry-taps Dave with a puppet because he is That Good'. Yes. According to Dave, Bro is somewhat of a rap god, using his sylladex as a weapon via the hashmap function - shout certain words, the hashmap of that word will eject the card of the corresponding number at high velocity. The two engage in battles of this kind.
Given what we can glean about Bro from his room, Bro is, well, the broingest dude to ever … oh man I just over-90's myself, sorry, hang on. Back up.
What we can glean from his room and stuff Dave says about him that Bro really is a dudebro. He loves shitty videogames about skateboarding and Halo... yet at the same time, there's a definitive feeling that despite how much he thrashes Dave around, he genuinely cares about the kid. He makes sure Dave's strong enough to face Sburb, at the very least, and he quietly goes through the Medium making sure that Dave's path is clear right up until he gets himself killed by Jack Noir. He's a Guardian, it's in his nature to defend people. Furthermore, despite his frat boy attitude, it's clear that Bro can be a genuine artist - even if he puts that artistic skill to DJ-ing at clubs and making puppet pornography, he still has a degree of skill.
Bro's time as a SEED has given him slightly more discipline, but not much. He doesn't give enough fucks, to be honest.
What are your plans for the character in-game? TEACH SWORDS AND RAP MUSIC AND URBAN CULTURE. TROLL THE FUCK OUT OF ALL THE STUDENTS AND ALSO THE TEACHERS. But at the same time actually be a good teacher (just a tough / bizarre one).
Anything else?
Complete TWO out of the FOUR options.
i) IC Questionnaire (As this questionnaire is entirely IC, your character is free to lie.)
(Though according to the AU I've constructed he'd have taken this at fifteen, I feel that as I'm apping him at 29 that it's more instructive to answer them at this age. Perhaps they're questioning him after he woke up from his coma.)
What do you prefer to be known as? Bro Motherfuckin Strider
How old are you? Four hundred and seven.
Do you have any history in combat? I'm motherfucking Ulyssus S. Grant.
If so, have you ever killed? I be cappin bitches in the hood all night lawng.
i) How do you feel when you get involved in some project that calls for immediate and rapid activity? I RELISH THE CHALLENGE. WITH ACTUAL RELISH. I JIZZ SMALL PICKLES, SERIOUSLY.
ii) Do you organize and initiate leisure activities? Shit, I didn't know you were into kinky stuff like that.
iii) What role do you take when working in a group? The Dude.
iv) How talkative are you around other people? […]
v) What three things would you want to have with you on a desert island? State your reasoning. My porn collection, some lube, and a crate full of muppets.
vi) Is it important to be liked by a wide range of people? Who gives a shit?
vii) When the odds are against you, is it worth taking a chance? Never tell me the odds.
viii) Do you consider yourself to be an impulsive person? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of how fucking boring this quiz is.
ix) Would you agree that planning things ahead takes the fun out of life? Jesus, is this interview over yet?
x) Do you like surprises? Surprises are the best.
xi) Do you sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with you? Nothing's wrong with me, I'm the coolest dude alive.
xii) Do you consider yourself to be smarter than your superiors, and disagree with their decisions? Yes. Fuck you.
xiii) Lastly, how do you feel about cabbages? I'd like to make sweet, sweet love to cabbages all night long, and have little mutant cabbage babies.
iv.) Thread Link
Here is a post
and a much more dramatic post