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[puss_in_prada]

In my daily search of the different morning papers, I found an interesting little gem of an article. Evidentially a mayor in a small European town has banned his citizens from dying under fear of harsh punishment...something to do with running out of cemetery space or something. What exactly DO you do to punish a dead man for dying

Comments

[lamblet]

But that doesn't make any sense. You just can't stop someone from dying.

And dogs aren't nasty. They just bark. And bite. And growl and eat things...

[ ... ]

I like cats better too.

[puss_in_prada]

I don't think it makes sense either, that's why I'm so baffled.

Cats are better. My cat, Vixen, has never chewed up a chair leg, or made a cross sound at me, or rolled around in the mud.

Cats are indeed better.

[vive_la_vixen]

What a perfectly boring creature! Apart from her name, I can see nothing to recommend about her.

[puss_in_prada]

She is perfectly recommendable. Her purr is enough to cheer you on a dreary day, she curls on your lap when you want to relax, she greets you when you come home...That is enough to recommend her.

[droppedtheball]

They should, like, make those hanging coffins. But, I'm guessing that there are like no cliffs there, right? He'll probably force families to start getting cremated. Takes up a lot less room, and you can take the person home with you if you want.

And the dog? You should totally get some meat or something and lure it back to your neighbors with it.

[puss_in_prada]

Oh, that's what will likely happen. You're right. That would be a bad punishment indeed if your family was opposed to such a thing.

I'm sure the dog would follow someone that had meat. How do you make sure that he's not going to bite you to get the meat?

[droppedtheball]

Most people are only opposed to it if it's like against their religion or something. It's generally cheaper, though.

Put it on a fishing line and hold it out in front of you?

[puss_in_prada]

[Some time later]

Sorry it took me so long to reply, I was laughing quite hard at the thought of me holding a fishing line.

I think I might try it if this beast doesn't go home. His presence is tiring me.

[aesopserpent]

I imagine they would just deface the bodies or something similar. People tend to be oddly bothered about what happens to their corpse after they die for some reason. Although if they are out of cemetery space, cremation seems like the simplest solution.

Throw a steak over your neighbor's fence and the dog will go after it, I'm certain.

[puss_in_prada]

That's true, but I hate to think of someone's grandfather being carved up after he dies just because he turned 90 and decided it was time for him to give up and go to his final resting place.

I wish it were that easy, my neighbor lives a mile from here and there's no fence.

[aesopserpent]

But he's dead. Why on earth does it matter what happens to his corpse?

All of my other suggestions involve actually interacting with the dog, which you seem to be averse to. I think you might be stuck with having to call Animal Control. If nothing else, having to go pick him up at the pound might teach your neighbor the value of chains and fences.

[puss_in_prada]

It matters to the people who are alive. Grandchildren and stuff.

I'm not certain that Animal Control goes out this far, as my home is fairly rural...but if the beast stays here any longer I may have to beg someone from Animal Control to investigate.