I went up to the Salmon River this past weekend to celebrate my grandfather's 80th birthday. I saw my Uncle Bob for the first time since 2000. He's doing OK since Tyler got killed, but you could tell by the way he talked that he was holding a lot of emotions back, like he could break at any second. It was devastating for me because Tyler was ( Read more... )

So life's pretty much better than it has been in a while... things are actually kinda sorta turning out for the better ( Read more... )

nevermind...

i talked to my dad and stepmom this morning... everything's cool. just playing it by ear one day at a time.

i really need to stop writing in this when i'm having panic attacks.

NYC tomorrow. should be inspiring.

This whole arrest/getting kicked out of my house has officially ruined my life ( Read more... )

so, i was looking for rooms to rent, and thought that maybe i had in on a few potential ones, and with my luck, they all fell through. so, i'm still living w/ the decarlos... whopee. i might call my dad and see if i can stay w/ him for a while... since i can't really have my guitar over here, and i've been wanting to play.... DESPERATELY ( Read more... )

so turns out the guy who i shared a holding cell with is in deeper shit than he thought. he hit a 20 month old girl, whom he and everyone else thought would be OK, but turns out she died not too long afterwards. also turns out that his blood alcohol level was 3 times the legal limit.

he's screwed.

everything's still in limbo... everything takes time.

but some good has come from all of this. i feel more social than i have been, i've been reading more (not much writing... all of my notebooks are being held for ransom at my mom's house), and i got promoted to shift suprevisor at Starbucks.

I sometimes wish that I can kill myself, go to purgatory for a few hours, make everything here on earth OK, and then come back when I knew that life would be better.

I guess that's what sleep is for.

I got the much needed motivation in my life to change my situation... unfortunately, I wasn't ready for it and the circumstances leading up to it weren't great at all ( Read more... )

what the hell is my goddamn problem ( Read more... )