Entry #08 - "Eternal Youth"

[severina2001]

Title: Eternal Youth
Written By: dalic07
Timeline: Post Ep-513
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Justin/Ethan
Genre: Romance

Comments

Eternal Youth

[camlaw]

I think this story has the potential to be phenominal. Like others have said, the POV changes make following the story a little difficult. Also, some of the dialogue needs some tweaking.

Basically I read this story and got the feeling that this is just a rough draft. All the elements are there, they just need to be fine tuned. I encourage you to re-write this story. I truly think it's worth the extra effort.

Re: Eternal Youth

[dalic07]

I would love to go back and re-edit it, though I didn't really have anyone to show it to except this site and a few others and some friends. But I think I'll keep it for a rainy day or something because (not tooting my own horn but) its one of the best stories, romantic wise, that I've written. I'm really proud of it. Thanks

Nice job!

[reader1]

I loved the idea of Brian surprising Justin with a proposal and marriage all over again. And I love that it was over the top, in a purely Brianesque fashion, just like the first time. This was such fun to read, and I'm grateful to whoever wrote it. Thanks. Sherrie

Re: Nice job!

[dalic07]

Thanks. Actually when I started writing the story I had no cloue where I was going to go with it, then it hit me one day and my hands went crazy. I tried to get as close to all the characters as I could, I was a little worried that Brian wasn't good enough and Justin was too dependent. But I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Re: Nice job!

[reader1]

I really did enjoy it. Thanks for sharing. Now I'm off to friend you. S

Re: Nice job!

[dalic07]

Woot! And I friended you back!

[heretic_x]

Aha! You had me going there when I thought Brian had slipped back into his old pain management habits, pissy me was thinking that is sooo not Brian Kinney anymore, but then... yes, the rest of the story is post season 5 Brian Kinney, what I imagine he would become. Fitting finale for B/J. Wonderfully romantic. Loved it.

[dalic07]

hehe yea. When I typed the final draft, I had to make that clearer because I never made it blatant in the rough draft. Though I wanted it to seem like Brian doesn't miss Justin and then when the proposal came up Justin would see that not only did Brian miss him like hell, but was willing to spend the rest of his life with him. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[dreambee3]

This was very sweet, a lovely idea in having Brian go all out in surprising Justin. There were some nice little touches: “Though you look at him now and wonder if he can truly ever be unhappy again….”, and I liked your humor too: “….you manage to get in one last fuck before “lights out at eleven” which involves several pillows between you both to keep anything from accidentally happening at one in the morning.”

I hope you will be able to tweak it to make it a little clearer, but thankyou for this, it was creative and enjoyable. ♥

[dalic07]

lol I tried to balance it out so it wasn't too much of romance or comedy. I wanted it be like if the was just one part of one episode created that this would be something the writers would created and be willing to put on our little screens hehe.

A lot of people have told me it wasn't the clearest, specifically the pov switchs but I'm glad you could still enjoy it.

[callie89]

I liked this story... a little bit hard to follow but still I did enjoy reading it.

;-)

[dalic07]

Sorry about the pov switching, but I'm glad you like it :)