SECRETS REVEALED
Title: Secrets Revealed
Written By: chynnadoll17
Timeline: Season 4, Cancer Arc
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
What if: Brian’s secrecy about his cancer didn’t go as planned.
Author's Notes: Thanks you to my betas for this fic, mickiebg, chadmom, and lady_erzulie
Brian’s POV
I slowly open my eyes and immediately take in the stark, bright light of the hospital room. I thought I was going to feel really shitty after getting a ball removed, but I'm actually feeling pretty good right now. The drugs they gave me are probably still in effect. I should let a nurse know that I'm awake. The sooner I can get out of here, the better. I reach for the call button when I see the door to the hospital room open. It’s him!
"Hey" he says while walking over to my hospital bed.
I'm too shocked to say anything. We stare at each other in silence
for what seems like forever.
"Well, aren't you going to say anything?"
I say the only thing that comes to mind. "What the fuck are you
doing here, Justin?"
"Well, my partner apparently just had major surgery. Where else should I be?"
"Well, not here." I look away from him and his expressive blue eyes, which I'm sure are filled with sadness right now . I don't think I could can handle looking at him like that.
"Brian."
He tries to take my hand, but I pull it away. "How the hell did you even know about this?"
"That's not important right now, " Justin says.
I can't help but laugh at that answer.
"Brian, this isn't funny. You've just had a surgical procedure that you didn't even tell me about."
"I'm a big boy, Justin. I think I can take care of myself without somebody holding my fucking hand."
"That's not the point. I'm your partner, remember? I could have helped you through this Brian. I..."
"Justin!" I shout. He stops; taken aback by my sudden outburst.
"I don't want your pity or anybody else's. If I had wanted to tell everyone I have had cancer and I was getting a ball removed, I would have!"
Shit, now he's doing that thing where he scrunches up his nose when he's trying not to cry. He gets up and comes over and sits on the edge of my bed.
"Brian, I love you, and despite what you may think, everybody else loves you too."
Yeah, until I'm not the heroic Brian Kinney anymore. Until I'm not the person I once was.
"Justin, do you really think you want to stay with me, now that I'm like this?"
Justin stands up, towering over me in a way I didn't think was possible.
"Brian, nobody expects you to be perfect, especially me. Even when I was seventeen and naive I knew you weren't perfect."
He takes my hand, holding it between his own, and this time I let him.
"You should know by now that I'm committed to our relationship. I'll support you through anything."
God, why did he have to come and say these things to me? I thought this was going to be the right thing to do. Don't tell anyone, don't get any pity, no one will leave me, and everything will be just as it was. But, now Justin's turned that whole plan on its head.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Justin sitting on the bed next to me again.
"Brian, I love you, I'll always love you, and nothing is ever going to change that."
I guess I've always known that Justin feels this way. How could I not when he's probably the most expressive person I know. But, what the hell do I say to that? I'm definitely not good with the whole outpouring of the heart thing. A smart-ass remark is always good.
"Since when did you turn into a lesbian?”
"Make all the smart-ass remarks you want, but you have to know what I've said is true."
Justin leans towards me until our foreheads are touching.
"And you're a real shit for not telling me."
"I know."
"But, you're okay now, right?"
"I guess I am now."
Then he pulls me into a tight embrace. I cling to him just as much.
"I'm sorry Justin."
He lets out a little laugh and replies, "I thought sorry was bullshit?"
That remark makes me groan. "I'm never going to live that expression down, am I? Well, I think a lot of things are not like they once were."
Justin then pulls back and starts to stroke my face.
"We'll get through this Brian, together okay?"
"I guess I don't have a choice now, do I?"
"No, not really." Then Justin presses his mouth to mine for a light kiss. We both pull back smiling. Suddenly I feel exhausted and I can't help but yawn.
"Brian, why don't you rest for a little while? I'll be here when you wake up."
He returns to the hospital chair while I scoot down in the bed. I close my eyes and feel myself drift off.
**********
"Mr.Kinney. Mr.Kinney."
I open my eyes and see a female nurse, mid-fifties. Her whole getup would put Debbie to shame. Her hair is a curly blonde mess and her makeup looks like it was drawn on by a five year old. Her hospital scrubs are covered in a loud, colorful floral print. Christ, how do they expect patients to feel comforted, when the first thing they see when they wake up is that?
"Mr.Kinney, you just got out of surgery. You're in recovery now."
What? Wait a minute. I admit I'm feeling a little groggy, but I'm pretty sure I heard her right.
"What?"
"You're in recovery now, Mr.Kinney. You'll be here for a little while and then we'll take you to your regular room." She quickly leaves.
Now, I'm beginning to panic. So, the whole conversation I had with Justin was a dream, a hallucination? God, it seemed so real. I fucking knew that it had been too easy. But, it felt good to have Justin know about it. Maybe he would really react the way he did in the dream. I mean, he's accepted me up until now, despite my faults. Granted, this is fucking huge, but why would this be that much different? I can't be so scared to face the consequences of this anymore. I need to make a decision about this, and now I think I have.
I've decided. I need to tell Justin.
THE END
Written By: chynnadoll17
Timeline: Season 4, Cancer Arc
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
What if: Brian’s secrecy about his cancer didn’t go as planned.
Author's Notes: Thanks you to my betas for this fic, mickiebg, chadmom, and lady_erzulie
Brian’s POV
I slowly open my eyes and immediately take in the stark, bright light of the hospital room. I thought I was going to feel really shitty after getting a ball removed, but I'm actually feeling pretty good right now. The drugs they gave me are probably still in effect. I should let a nurse know that I'm awake. The sooner I can get out of here, the better. I reach for the call button when I see the door to the hospital room open. It’s him!
"Hey" he says while walking over to my hospital bed.
I'm too shocked to say anything. We stare at each other in silence
for what seems like forever.
"Well, aren't you going to say anything?"
I say the only thing that comes to mind. "What the fuck are you
doing here, Justin?"
"Well, my partner apparently just had major surgery. Where else should I be?"
"Well, not here." I look away from him and his expressive blue eyes, which I'm sure are filled with sadness right now . I don't think I could can handle looking at him like that.
"Brian."
He tries to take my hand, but I pull it away. "How the hell did you even know about this?"
"That's not important right now, " Justin says.
I can't help but laugh at that answer.
"Brian, this isn't funny. You've just had a surgical procedure that you didn't even tell me about."
"I'm a big boy, Justin. I think I can take care of myself without somebody holding my fucking hand."
"That's not the point. I'm your partner, remember? I could have helped you through this Brian. I..."
"Justin!" I shout. He stops; taken aback by my sudden outburst.
"I don't want your pity or anybody else's. If I had wanted to tell everyone I have had cancer and I was getting a ball removed, I would have!"
Shit, now he's doing that thing where he scrunches up his nose when he's trying not to cry. He gets up and comes over and sits on the edge of my bed.
"Brian, I love you, and despite what you may think, everybody else loves you too."
Yeah, until I'm not the heroic Brian Kinney anymore. Until I'm not the person I once was.
"Justin, do you really think you want to stay with me, now that I'm like this?"
Justin stands up, towering over me in a way I didn't think was possible.
"Brian, nobody expects you to be perfect, especially me. Even when I was seventeen and naive I knew you weren't perfect."
He takes my hand, holding it between his own, and this time I let him.
"You should know by now that I'm committed to our relationship. I'll support you through anything."
God, why did he have to come and say these things to me? I thought this was going to be the right thing to do. Don't tell anyone, don't get any pity, no one will leave me, and everything will be just as it was. But, now Justin's turned that whole plan on its head.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Justin sitting on the bed next to me again.
"Brian, I love you, I'll always love you, and nothing is ever going to change that."
I guess I've always known that Justin feels this way. How could I not when he's probably the most expressive person I know. But, what the hell do I say to that? I'm definitely not good with the whole outpouring of the heart thing. A smart-ass remark is always good.
"Since when did you turn into a lesbian?”
"Make all the smart-ass remarks you want, but you have to know what I've said is true."
Justin leans towards me until our foreheads are touching.
"And you're a real shit for not telling me."
"I know."
"But, you're okay now, right?"
"I guess I am now."
Then he pulls me into a tight embrace. I cling to him just as much.
"I'm sorry Justin."
He lets out a little laugh and replies, "I thought sorry was bullshit?"
That remark makes me groan. "I'm never going to live that expression down, am I? Well, I think a lot of things are not like they once were."
Justin then pulls back and starts to stroke my face.
"We'll get through this Brian, together okay?"
"I guess I don't have a choice now, do I?"
"No, not really." Then Justin presses his mouth to mine for a light kiss. We both pull back smiling. Suddenly I feel exhausted and I can't help but yawn.
"Brian, why don't you rest for a little while? I'll be here when you wake up."
He returns to the hospital chair while I scoot down in the bed. I close my eyes and feel myself drift off.
**********
"Mr.Kinney. Mr.Kinney."
I open my eyes and see a female nurse, mid-fifties. Her whole getup would put Debbie to shame. Her hair is a curly blonde mess and her makeup looks like it was drawn on by a five year old. Her hospital scrubs are covered in a loud, colorful floral print. Christ, how do they expect patients to feel comforted, when the first thing they see when they wake up is that?
"Mr.Kinney, you just got out of surgery. You're in recovery now."
What? Wait a minute. I admit I'm feeling a little groggy, but I'm pretty sure I heard her right.
"What?"
"You're in recovery now, Mr.Kinney. You'll be here for a little while and then we'll take you to your regular room." She quickly leaves.
Now, I'm beginning to panic. So, the whole conversation I had with Justin was a dream, a hallucination? God, it seemed so real. I fucking knew that it had been too easy. But, it felt good to have Justin know about it. Maybe he would really react the way he did in the dream. I mean, he's accepted me up until now, despite my faults. Granted, this is fucking huge, but why would this be that much different? I can't be so scared to face the consequences of this anymore. I need to make a decision about this, and now I think I have.
I've decided. I need to tell Justin.
THE END