Interpersonal interaction styles

[qijm]

There are some people for whom, when you have their attention, it's as though you're the only other person in the room, or maybe the world. A friend of mine described the as a "blissful ... burning honesty that YOU'RE FUCKING AWESOME." It's a very powerful, intense interaction, and if you're not braced for it it can be very jarring that it doesn't

Comments

[sabdapranam]

I love that feeling, though not the aftermath. In a milder sense, I call it being present. I notice it when someone is actually listening to me, rather than paying some attention while five other issues run through their head simultaneously. And I really gravitate towards people who can provide that presence.

[dymaxion]

I think perhaps the thing that's needed is more care in terms of turning it on and off, and in social expectation setting. So, uh, business as usual?

[qijm]

Given the trickiness of the off state, though, and that I've observed this directly or indirectly more than once, it seems like a vocabulary might be useful for facilitating expectation setting.

[dymaxion]

Oh, right, yeah, that makes sense. Not reading closely today, apparently.

Perhaps something by analogy with flow state?

[najalaise]

I think I am much less aware of this than other folks I know seem to be. Or... hm. Maybe I only notice extreme cases where there's contrast? Because I can definitely think of a few cases of slightly-jarring contrast, but on the other hand, whether or not someone is actively present is not a Thing What I Notice About People.

I wonder how I rate on that scale, since I'm not sure I'd be able to tell. (Comments are welcomed.)

[sabdapranam]

I think you are roughly in the middle. You pay attention, but you are not very intense about it (at least in my experiences with seeing you interact socially). But you are also present enough to not be constantly checking your text messages, failing to notice physical and emotional cues, etc. A fairly happy medium.

[singingnettle]

IHG had a friend for a while where, when we were sitting in the car outside the house after we'd left, we said, "Holy ****, what just happened? We feel like we just woke up outside the fairy circle."

I dunno. It was very disconcerting.

[singingnettle]

It's an interesting observation, though. I've gotten so used to thinking of five different things at one time this past crazed year, maybe I need to practice focusing my attention on someone fully again.

[3ricj]

I've never really noticed this. Now I will be watching out for it.