Di: Have you heard my bad Star Wars joke?

Dan: No, I haven't.

Di: Why did Darth Vader cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.

Dan: .... .... You're a woman of your word.

Me: Despite the warning, you're still a bit disappointed, aren't you?

Dan: I have to admit, even though you did warn me it was a bad joke, I held out some hope that you might be ( Read more... )

Because Jenny has a brand new fascination with key chains, I have decided to fulfill her wildest dreams and tell her about mine. I have a few. I keep pulling all the keys apart so I have about three separate sets, which is really irritating when I'm trying to find my keys and they aren't all in the one place.

My key for the office at my old work was ( Read more... )

Congratulations!

Every year Christmas in my family is either hosted by me, or by my mother. If you've ever had the pleasure of attending a function organised by my mother, you will know she is no good at it. She can't cook, she doesn't clean, she doesn't think to arrange music or seating or make sure that all her guests will know at least one other person so no one ( Read more... )

During my first year of uni, I fell in love. Every single day for the whole year, I'd walk passed Raben Footwear and look in the window at the coolest shoes I have ever seen. They were a pair of 5-eye ankle-length Doc Martens boots, in red velvet. With a price tag of over $200, which there was no chance I could afford, so I contented myself with ( Read more... )

January

I have a Pixie friend who likes to have a Christmas party each year on Christmas Day.  This year she was feeling like a grinch, so she called it a Crossing Out X-mas Party. Naturally such a party should have a XXX dress-up theme.

February

So I woke up at 4:30 this morning and that was it - awake!

March

It's like having your own parents get ( Read more... )

LAST DAY!!!

My dad was taken to hospital last Friday morning. I visited on Saturday and the first thing he told me when I got there was a complaint:

"I asked the nurse to take me to the pub and she said no."

How inconsiderate.

Miss Upper Management told me I smelled of alcohol.

I told her that's because I'm made with five percent real champagne.*

* Note, comeback may or may not have actually  been that snappy.