I: A Public Post

[queenalia]

I posted this on Facebook, but my page there is very much friends-only. I think it is time that this post be available in a format anyone can see/ link to. Reading other people's experiences-- even when we're not friends-- has helped me articulate myself and my identity.

Maybe this post will help someone else.

***

I’ve come out as poor, before-back

Comments

[celyn100]

Do you mind if I share this with an LJ friend? I think your words, experiences, and insights will resonate with her.

please do.

[queenalia]

yes, this is here (rather than just FB) because i do want it to be part of the larger internet conversation. pass it on to whomever you think would get something out of it.

Cheers,
alia

Re: please do.

[queenalia]

You're welcome. Imho, you don't have to apologize for not being easily-labled abused. if there is something here that helps, awesome

[innostrantsa]

Your post is so resonant, especially what you wrote about that lovely, yet odious phrase, "You're so strong."

Thank you is inadequate, but... thank you.

[queenalia]

i am glad for myself, because the more it resonates with other people the less alone i feel with my crazy. but i'm also sad, because i don't actually wish crazypain on anyone else; i'd like us all to be able to enjoy our happily ever afters unmolested by the judgement/opinions of others.

:/

so... you're welcome. and also, i'm sorry.

[innostrantsa]

Me too.

[laplor]

I appreciate your courage in writing this. As you say, it can help people, and I am sharing it with my friends because some of us need this way of looking at our relationship with food. I do not care to use your body, but I beg to use your insight.

[queenalia]

ok, now i'm blushing. :*)

it's not bravery, it's rage and orneriness and you're not taking me without a fight. ;> ...and lots and lots of anger...

but yes, please-- take it, i made it for sharing. let's see what we can make with it, next.

[laplor]

Rage and anger are great (at least to the point when they cause damage to the self). If we don't rage against the actions of the jerks who shape the twisted creatures we become, that means we have accepted them.

I will not accept that I am what my mother said I was. I will not accept that I am what the man who assaulted me thought I was. I demand to be much more than those definitions.

yes! and!

[queenalia]

...i really recommend the http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/ site-- the woman who started it talks about wanting *more* a lot, and i love that she says it without shame. i want to be that shameless when i grow up.

and also http://kateharding.net/faq/but-dont-you-realize-fat-is-unhealthy/ ...especially "9. In any case, shaming teh fatties for being “unhealthy” doesn’t fucking help. If shame made people thin, there wouldn’t be a fat person in this country, trust me. I wish I could remember who said this, ’cause it’s one of my favorite quotes of all time: “You cannot hate people for their own good.”..."

word.

[ayeshadream]

I'm actually sitting at my desk weeping because this resonates so strongly with me. I'm an abuse survivor too, not just of societies hatred for non"perfect" people, but in the more traditional and graphic sense and it does all tie in together- we are the sum total of all our life experiences. Every bump, bruise, hurt, victory, fear, reaction and choice set us on the path we are on

*hug* (if you want it)

[queenalia]

having my first body-child also changed my relationship with... everything. :}... it was hard dealing with my anger towards my mother, for me. i had dismissed so much of my rage as "well, she's the mother and she knows best, she loves me, this is loving and motherly behavior," that when i *had* this infant in my arms and my mother smiled and said, "now you know how much i loved you" i really wanted to punch her in the face

[pallid_regina]

Holy wow, this is an AMAZING post. I was connected to this post through a friend of a friend of...you get the idea. This is a beautiful and honest post, I am honored and humbled to have read it. Thank you.