yesterday, i was thinking about identity, about how much focus of mine has gone into it in recent years.. all the trappings of identity, the construction of seeing myself as bisexual, then as a lesbian, then as a boi, then as trans... what is beneath identity? spirit.. what of connecting to others on that spiritual level.. rather than hiding and ( Read more... )

i saw this gender-crossed lookin individual today in the city and got all excited. looked like a bit of a transboy.. so i approached this person in my excitement and asked.. and.. im a dipshit! she said, are you asking me if im trans just because im a cross-dresser?> and i said ahh no. (actually it was the toned and slightly muscled arms/shoulders ( Read more... )

having a low self-esteem day today. sick with a head-cold my brain is fuzzy and my words echo inside it as i speak. i have had low confidence and started doubting myself, looking for a quick and drastic move, to go on T, to physically transform. some kind of external validation of how i feel inside and who i feel myself to be. this female form, ( Read more... )

smooth pink conch shells, like secret internal cunts. waves of happiness sweep through me today, i am loved.

another vivid dream

entering the underground sex club, first we clamboured beneath the undergrowth, leaves whipping our faces, hoods holding off the rain. along the tunnel in the dark we clamber until, we arrive at the catacombs. it is a network of little caves, linked by dirt pathways. dim and shadowy, bodies slip past in a muffled blur. i have a ( Read more... )

shit.  that didnt go too badly. she's understanding but mainly scared at the thought of me going under the knife. i couldn't reassure her that i wont, but i did acknowledge that i'm not going to rush anything. i guess the relief will sink in.. soon. i woke from a nap earlier this evening, and just felt.. so utterly good in my body. no tension ( Read more... )

i  think i am about to come out to my mum that i ID as a boy. im very nervous. but i also need to get it out. i cant pretend anymore. im sick of feminizing myself.. to hide. i want life to go on from here. i have been depressed for the last two years. i have been angry my whole life, at being treated 'female' when im not. even as a kid i knew i ( Read more... )

 so i awoke from this dream this morning. a vivid one full of strong feeling. my ex-lover was in it, with his new girlfriend. (the new girlfriend that i really did just meet in real life on the weekend.) this ex-lover of mine, is a very beautiful man. long thick black hair, soft pale skin, tall and slender with such deep intelligence laughter and ( Read more... )

Interesting gender experiences today. I came out to a gay boy. Told him I am trans. He went ‘Oh!’, ‘that’s really cool’ .. his eyes lit up. And then he didn’t know what to say. People don’t question gender. They assume. And even when you tell em, they don’t think they can ask for more info. All this silence and darkness around being differently ( Read more... )