so this is it, then.
yes.

for all the promises we made and cannot keep, and the ways we keep them anyway, despite their brokenness, i’m sorry. my heart rends ( Read more... )

i want a mont blanc time walker big date automatic watch. the one with the black face and the silver band. but it costs something like twenty-one hundred dollars. i really do want to buy a watch though. maybe a pair of jeans. i wish i had a new belt, but it's so impossible to find a good one. and today i wore my old glasses frames. i did it for a ( Read more... )

i've totally had it, tonight ( Read more... )

it's been a long tuesday. i guess it's been a good one, too ( Read more... )

i had a terrible dream about a spider. it ran like a tiny bunny and it ran through a window into my room. it was making the sound that was actually being made by a bird in the real world. it was red and black and i tried to step on it but it was too fast. i was terrified when i woke up. and i had a terrible headache. i'm tired of waking up with ( Read more... )

i think i need a mouse for whenever i can use one with my computer. (and a pad for taking it along in my backpack.) the thumb i use to click the trackpad is sore and a little fiery today. i think i need a trip to the apple store ( Read more... )

when you don't know and can't decide what to do, you should get help. right? i'm scared, but i want to talk about counselling. i've been reading about what asu has to offer. i could afford it, with my student insurance. i don't know how to do this, but it's the only idea i've had.

i'm finished reading leviticus. my dog wet the bed again, and i ( Read more... )

i laid in bed for a long time this morning. i kept trying to think but it was so difficult to make the thoughts come. kelly has sent me an email, she told me in a text message and i think i said okay. she was going to sleep. i hope she did. i thought about her lying in the dark like i lied in the dark last night, overly hot and alone and totally ( Read more... )

this morning went off the rails. this afternoon, a free fall.

it's like a fight for your life, but it isn't for anything. one blow validates the next and the next becomes harder than the last. i am the smallest i have ever been, ungainly in humyn form and cowering. i flicker in and out of existence--acknowledgement, like relyimah. i was in class ( Read more... )