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Funny story, or: on psychologists
Some Midsummer musings about the past six months lead to a bit of a mental health realisation. Yesterday I was told it was my last visit to the psychologist here. It's been such a crazy year in terms of my mental health, I just need to share.
I started feeling pretty bad about my life and myself at about this time of year last year. I was getting ( Read more... ) -
Libertines; working hard
More challenges to say yes to jumped on my path earlier this year. I said yes to being a helper at the one shot larp Libertines that would have two runs back to back. Logistics, kitchen things, a bit of casual playing and oh did I know anything about dancing in that era? The larp itself was a game with themes and a design I've never played before, ( Read more... ) -
Gender; or: on being me
Lately there have been a lot of people telling their gender story on my Facebook timeline and in real life, so I thought, high time I add mine.
Long story short, I don't care what my gender is, I'm me. Probably gender-fluid or a-binary would be the best label if you want one, but I don't want one. I'm fine with all pronouns.
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Prolog
I just got home from Prolog, a Swedish larp convention, and there is so much bubbling in my brain that I need to write it down before I can go to sleep... Because Prolog was such a different experience than I expected it to be!
I've been to Knudepunkt/Knutpunkt twice now, a big international 'Nordic' larp convention. There you can fill the whole ( Read more... ) -
Door de bomen het bos weer zien.
I have a forest growing in my heart. A big forest, full of trees. And all these trees are you. One tree for every one of you, planted when we met, growing ever since. Maybe it’s still small, or maybe part has died, but the tree is still there. Probably I’m still trying to take care of it as best as I can. Some trees are big and thin, some small but ( Read more... ) -
Depressed?
I always thought that having a depression essentially means that most of the time you'd feel ... well, depressed, gloomy, pessimistic. I know I have those moods too and I thought a depression would be like that but worse. But actually, the biggest thing that changed is that I'm just really, really tired. All the time. It's an intriguing and ( Read more... ) -
Getting back together
It's snowing slow but steady outside and it feels like a perfect time to just sit and reflect a bit. Yes, again, I know ;) But so much is happening that it's hard to give it all a place when it's going on, so I really need to sit down for it. And that's something I tend to forget to write down.
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The Monsterous 2018
What a year. So much has happened, it feels like ten years. I feel like I've not lived in the Netherlands for at least seven. Time to look back and summarize, especially the last few months, so I'll never forget and you're all up to speed again. From not-fun to fun:
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Hectic happenstances
It's been a busy few weeks with larp, larp, CaDansa, larp and Göteborg to visit larp-friends. Oh and some larp. And full-time work. It's going to quiet down a little bit after this, which is much needed, but actually, these crazy few weeks were also much, much needed.
All of it made me realize that by now I have three homes: Wageningen, my backpack ( Read more... ) -
All good things come in three; Charm, again
"Dear Gods, whomever listens, let me help, let me be there. Please, Gods of the Night, I'll be yours as long as it's needed, as much as I was for the Day. I beg you. Help me, help them, help Auros, help yourselves. Take my eyes if that's what it takes, it's the most valuable thing I have to give. Take whatev..."
A burning pain pierces her brain. ( Read more... )