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Socks
I looked at myself this morning. I didn't mean to do that. But I was sitting on my bed, pulling out socks from the dresser. I saw me in the mirror. At that point, I was wearing old school long johns and a bra--the only things I had decided on by that time. Oh, and I was wearing a hat, a slightly fancy skull cap that I wear because it is black ( Read more... ) -
Out of Touch
Now I don't even remember when it was. But one day, in the past 10 days or so, I snapped awake while walking on snow. There was a crunch--that crunch that comes when snow gets sun then gets even colder. The crunch was under my right foot. As aoon as I felt it, I noticed myself easing down--just to prolong the sound, the feeling ( Read more... ) -
Me and Your Feelings
I've been walking home since I got back. I play games with myself over the only two tanks of gas over the past few months. When people ask why, I tell them I miss the buffer between places that traffic provides (true), that I need to stay outside as much as possible before it's too cold (also true), or that I want exercise (only slightly true--I ( Read more... ) -
scratching and laughing
I had a rape dream last night. My attacker was someone I know. Disturbingly, the attacker is someone I know in the non-dream world also. He's not someone I would expect to attack me or anyone else. And I think I could take hiim in a fair fight. But the dream happened anyway ( Read more... ) -
another round of nightmares
They started Friday night. Here's that dream ( Read more... ) -
What the hell am I doing?
I admitted today and yesterday to different people that outside of work I haven't so much as had a meal with anyone else. And that I've become so used to it that I don't really imagine it as something I can or will ever do again. I've adjusted downward ( Read more... ) -
parts of me
I have the most delicate looking wrists. For someone my size, they're quite thin, swallowed up by watch bands and a good number of bracelets. Those bones on the outside seem to stick out quite a bit. But mine are rounded rather than pointy ( Read more... ) -
A Winter's Tale
I don't really know what to say now. I'm sitting with the fact that I I need to be writing and I haven't written anything more than an exam or three, a few syllabi, etc. I haven't even written journal entries more than a few times. I want to write--for myself and for my job. And I don't want to kill this blog, even though no one reads it ( Read more... ) -
It's been a long time.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how people define themselves. When I started this journal, I thought that this was a part of me--the part I wanted some people to see but could not discuss or did not feel that people would listen to me go on about. But then I had a written journal full of bitchiness, desires and REM activity. I could have ( Read more... )