fuck.
fuck.
fuck.
fuck.
fuck.

FUCK.

I won't say a fucking word this time.
Not a goddamn word.
Because...

You do not want to hear it.

It scares me how much you've changed.
But what's even worse, it scares me that I noticed.

I see you without seeing you.
And I wish I could tell you that everything will be okay.
I always assumed the position of wanting to take care of you.
And now that I can't..
I can do nothing but sit around and write in an online journal.

I hate being so scared to talk to you and not knowing what to say ( Read more... )

despite the potency of our personal histories, i try to think that what matters, damn it, is what we're doing now. and what we're doing now is defined less by our identites and ideas and more by the reality of the actions in our lives. still, i'd like to hope that all the conversations that we have and the proclaimations that we make at least give ( Read more... )

So it comes down to this again ( Read more... )

The order in which the events in ones life play out is absolutely astonishing to me.
How is it, you can decide to change yourself, and in the mist of that process, have one tiny thing
Blow. It. Up.
Just when peace has restored itself to your inner chaotic world.
It will be shattered once again.
Maybe this is where I lye.
In the depths of my own ( Read more... )

Hm. Well it seems I've been neglectful to this thing yet again.
*Shrugs*
I think for now though..
I'll just sit back
and instead of reciting it.. I'll watch it all play out.

My eyes are bloodshot now.
and I stand alone.
Maintaning my form just barely.
I look at you through only a filter.
Insanity makes no sound
That's all i'm getting.
It's all but fitting.

My heart can beat ten times faster now.
and when it comes crashing down..

heh.
Dead spirited you are.
Far too busy to hold me up.
Far too busy to notice.
Far too busy ( Read more... )

I will n0t be mislead bY y0ur countless WayS To keep Me here.

Don't believe a fucking word I say.

Each of my carefully placed actions are only to delude you from my motivations.
Let me inform you.
It's only because I'm weak.
One hand washes the other.
To turn around..
I'd turn my back on all of you.
Wish I was a different person.
one who wasn't so confused.
one who hasn't become so stale to reason.

Let us dwell ( Read more... )