Your face ignites a fuse to my patience
Whatever you do, it's gonna be wrong
There's no time to interrupt the detonation
Be good to me before you're gone
When I met you, I was fine with my nothing
I grew with you and now I've changed
What I've become is something I can't be without your loving
Be good to me, it isn't a game

October 2019. We had just finished going to a wedding. We woke up early, I can't remember why. No one was ready for brunch yet so we sat and watched a movie in the hotel. It was the Incredible Hulk. It was decent. We hadn't watched anything together in quite some time. Maybe that dredged up a connection. We made love on the hotel bed. That ( Read more... )

Traveling alone is fun.  I don't regret the last few trips that I took by myself and I'm glad I am in a position where I can afford these luxuries.  They say that when you are ready to do something, truly ready, you will put your life intention towards it and manifest it.  I don't know who they is and I don't even know if any of that is true.  I ( Read more... )

It has been a weird month.  Before everything happened with "El Scorcho" I decided it was time to fly off to some tropical locale where I could spend most of the day on the beach or doing some lovely hike and really disconnect from my personal and work life on a physical, spiritual, and mental level.  I booked a trip to Oahu because the plane ( Read more... )

All of those road trips we took together. All of those trails we set and ran together. The trip to Costco we took together where we both laughed at the ridiculous souped up Ford truck. The times we spent riding our bikes at bike party. The times we spent in bed not having sex but conversing about your family, your friends, your traumas ( Read more... )

I'm not really that strong willed after all.

I'm a sucker for the interior of hotels, that layer of facial hair you get from not shaving for two days, the quiet seduction of being moved into a revolving door at just the right time, holding hands on BART as you cross through the tunnel.

We know how this ends. But we don't really care.

As I expected, I'm unable to have sex with someone without developing feelings. Especially if the feelings are already baked into the sex ( Read more... )

Rewriting this because LJ successfully ate my entry again.

On Saturday, I did some partying with the people I run with.  I had been crushing on this particular person "Ammo".  We carpooled to the same event together and ended up at our friend's townhome in San Jose. There were a few moments where I thought I might have stirred something in him, but ( Read more... )

A last minute opening in a mushroom foray in Mendocino prompted me to make some plans for New Years Day.  I booked a hotel room in Gualala for after the tour.  The week before was pretty uneventful and most of my time was spent cooking and minimizing contact.  I did manage to meet up with friends for a run and holiday gathering.  The next day I ( Read more... )

There is a little girl buried somewhere within the recesses of my mind.  A five year-old filled with dreams and fantasies, but full of fear and vulnerability.  She could slay dragons with her voice, but she would also beg her father to grab her a bedtime drink and would cry at the daycare until her grandfather picked her up.  In 2020, I could no ( Read more... )