(Untitled)

[rabblearouseme]

hey guys i would REALLLLLLY appreciate some critique of these poems (both recent and old) that i need for various purposes and i also need to no which one i shud discard completely

Comments

[mollyladida]

Michelle,
you're so incredible.

some suggestions?
I think the last poem would be really interesting in third person. You might want to play more with point of view. its mad fun. And don't fear lineation!
compliments!
there is something very sweeping about yr writing that i love love love. I want to remember every sentence. You write bravely, and i love that. ahhh its all so good!

[rabblearouseme]

moll that made me really happy... i really appreciate when someone whos also a writer has something good to say. ill work with the third person and see hwo it sounds..i get where ur coming from. thanx fo rthe self esteem boost!!!

[pensiveprufrock]

Michelle, I always love reading your work! I am especially drawn to the first poem. You really achieve tone and mood successfully there. I feel like I am along for the ride, just as rushed and panic-y as the speaker! I love your self references! I remember your poem "The took me from the question field and brought me to the answer house." I miss creative writing club!
Much love,
Melissa

[mizushui]

first: cool. existentialism and socialism (?) mix when you combine "it is what you make of it" and a poetic death scene akin to that of martin eden. this is probably completely wrong to suggest, but i feel like if you give more descriptions of the environs the character in "midnight jellyfish," even incongruous ones ("the vault of the sky was a mirror cracked..the more i look around, the colder i feel") that the poem would feel more complete in a way