What do I do when I can't control my mood swings? One minute I am high as a kite, the next minute I am so depressed, just because of some little thing I let get to me. I am really scared. I am the fucking psychologist here so I would be inclined to say that I do not have Bipolar, but it is more that I am extremely stressed, tired, and away from ( Read more... )

I need to finish my written thesis proposal by January 2nd, in order to send out the final edited draft to my committe before my oral proposal presentation on January 16th. Yet I find myself playing spider solitaire, drinking wine, and daydreaming about the boy's arrival. I CAN'T FOCUS ( Read more... )

Despite the hours of work which lay ahead of me over the next several weeks, I feel blissfully happy. Things are amazing between us and we have been discussing future plans for the two of us. I was frustrated several nights ago, knowing that it is going to remain long distance for quite sometime; not what I bargained for. However, he is coming ( Read more... )

I just read my last four or five journal entries and I really sound crazy... Shit...

I see what happens when you don't talk about your feelings during daylight hours. Problems transform into insomnia and now I am wide awake in the wee hours of the morning. I talked to the best friend for a bit, which was refreshing as we have been kinda distant the past couple of weeks. It figures that she would have insomnia too - 2 peas in a ( Read more... )

Warning: This entry will be entirely based on POOR ME sentiments. If you don't want to hear my sorry ass bitching, stop reading now. You really won't miss much ( Read more... )

I am a prisoner and I feel crazy. I can't watch tv unless the volume is down so low why bother. I can't talk on the phone unless I bury myself within my sheets, speaking in tones so quiet that it forces him to say "what? what? what?" I can't visit my beloved ex-roommate in SF because I received an enormous guilt trip from mommy dearest. I can't ( Read more... )

I feel confident in my choice to earn my Masters - I love the program and it gives me a goal and focus. Yet I always feel twinges of envy as I watch my friends go to movies three times a week, have dinner together, and hang out constantly while I consistently turn down offers because I have to study. And no, I am not socially inept or reclusive ( Read more... )

I have always been the one who's New Year's Resolution every year (among others) is to "live in the moment," "embrace life," "move from the past, focus on the now," etc etc. But now more than ever, I realize the true meaning of these words. If I really want to make things work with Mike, I have to realistically but honestly accept our history and ( Read more... )

I am on Cloud 9 right now. But a realistic non-manic cloud 9, as in I am not going to come crashing back to earth at any second. I am just happy because I have been really monitoring my thinking, making sure that I rid myself of negative self-talk. I had regressed a couple of years these past few weeks but I am definitely back in a stable state ( Read more... )