i was urged to update my lj cause of a few people ( Read more... )

im kinda expirencing alot of emotions right now and its making my weekend suck. i feel so many things i dont know who to turn to. i dont know if turning to anyone will even help. mainly i just feel overwhelmed and hopeless. i went to karate today and i nearly go sick. gah. i didnt have anything in my stomach ether. right now just sitting down feels ( Read more... )

omfg... i was gonna post something and stuff but ive been bombarded by so many FUCKING POP UPS!!! that you know what? im not in the mood to talk about stuff. gah! i have anger issues because of pop ups. i wonder if i should talk about that in group?

about suicide id like to say this. unless you live out in the mountains alone and have no connection to the outside world. you have a impact on the world and the people around you. pain is what binds us together as a socity. yes it makes us want to kill eachother at times but that is a way of communication. the only lack of a relationship is by not ( Read more... )

im at my fathers. last night everything went wrong. i didnt care tho. i knew that eventaully all things will come to pass. even my own life. disturbing yet comforting. its kinda like all the sleeping pills i have in my bag. its disturbing that my mother would leave them with me yet comforting that i have that power to take my own life. not that i ( Read more... )

i was able to talk to crystal even tho it was breif... just hearing her voice lifted my spirts. enough to talk to my father about a theraputic boarding school. the one natty told me about sounds good if its boarding. im getting better at controling the nausha... kinda... its was nice to be lying in my bed just waiting for the phone to ring... it ( Read more... )

my therapist is checking out nearby partial programs. last night sucked also. i fell asleep to my mother crying herself to sleep. i woke up later and cut again. i didnt bother to count this time. this all started because pamula, crystals freinds mom called my cell to tell me the status to crystal and my mom didnt think it was a adult and called me ( Read more... )

i called her house this morning and left a message pleaing to know where she was and how i could reach her. i wont abandon her when she needs me. i know how that feels. its happened to me to much. i wont let it happen to her again. not by me. however... my hand might be forced this afternoon. ill try and get home before i get taken away (that is if ( Read more... )

i so... hallow right now... crystal maybe going back into the hospital. and i may not be able to see her again... this... this isnt happening."the alarm clock is going off but your not waking up this isnt happening happening happening... IT IS." - bright eyes everytime i fall in love something horrific happens or the girl gets bored of me! i dont ( Read more... )

my brother matt called me and told me my brother greg has been leaving threatening messages and sounded like he was coked up... more then usaul. this disturbed me abit... more then i first thought. i had made some cuts (minor) in my arm a while ago and so i wasnt to badly cut up. i had a nightmare about matt and nana being shot in there sleep by ( Read more... )