today was great but i came to the relization i cant save anyone. not even those i love. im still weak from the hospital. i wanted so badly not to need it... so fucking hard... but i did. i failed them. i failed everyone. christa was right. i still am one and saying im not and trying to move on wont change that. i dont want to be hospitalized again ( Read more... )

IM OFF MEDS AND I FEEL GOOD!!! i knew pills were fucking with me! im seeing crystal tommarow! maybe even today! im having moodswings but at least im happy 45% of the time! oh and btw... FLCL and pillows ROC! Nick will be over in abit and probably ned. mats comming over later... he needs his katana worked on so obvously he went to me ^_^hehehe. ( Read more... )

marks are showing up on my body... i dont know where there from but there under the skin! it started when i was attacked by shadows. on my upper legs theres sqiggly scar looking things but... there not scars. and there at least 3 inches away from my scars that are real! its like the scars are warding the marks... if you dont belive in the super ( Read more... )

i went to karate today. there was a kid who cried cause we were doing block to block training. part of me wanted to teach him what pain really was but obvously i qwelled that thought in a instant. i told him if you wanted to get anywhere learn to like pain. probably the most disturbing advice hes ever received judging by his face. sensai did the ( Read more... )

my family would be much better off with me dead.

my brothers wedding has been set on my birthday... joy. my brother greg has had a out burst and has isolated himself from the family. probably due to his longterm coke addiction. mats gone stait edge and turned mormen and is engaged to Nana. teds slowly isolating himself by becoming agnostic and bad mouthing religion. i dont blame him but its not a ( Read more... )

everythings wrong

i had a emotional break down at school and they finally started listening to me. i told them the pills were making me feel bad and that i hated there effects. they cut my dosages in half and im going thro a lil withdrawl at the moment. im feeling "hysterical"; im vomiting feeling dizzy and not sleeping well. half of it is coming off the pills the ( Read more... )

its been about 3 days since i was in contact with her. i reached her mother finally reassured me she wasnt back in a hospital. my worst fear. i dont know if i said something wrong or didnt say something i should have but shes not calling me back... i figure shes still very busy. but something about its nagging me. in the past three days she never ( Read more... )

Fake Plastic Trees ( Read more... )