This week is really weird for me. Wednesday is the seven year anniversary of my brother dying. I know seven years is kind of a long time but whoever said time heals all wounds LIED, flat out lied to me and everyone else. But that is nothing new is it? I was lied to a lot growing up ( Read more... )

so i have an actual real date on thursday. i'm excited and nervous at the same time. It's been forever since i've had someone come pick me up and take me out. I don't know what to wear or what to say. I'm used to meeting guys thru just hanging out. This will be fun though. It makes me feel worth the trouble ya know?

So tonight I'm out w/ my friend Aaron having a drink at the downer when I look down at my feet only to discover I'm wearing two different shoes! What the crap, am I that out of it...apparently. Good thing I don't really care about that crap. So I've been trying relatively hard to meet new people lately and I think it's working out for me. I'm ( Read more... )

Why does it always have to hurt so much? It's the most personal of insults you can get. People always say, its not you I promise. Well thats the biggest lie I've ever been told. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of them but I can't pull myself away. It's an endless cycle of excitment that leads to dissapointment.

Last night was exactly what I needed. I had so much fun it was ridiculous. My friend from work Robert, invited me to go hang out w/ our old friend from work Asher in Denver. We went to this place where we were the only white people there. I loved it. It was ghetto fabulous. Hahah I felt really white but at the same time totally comfortable. ( Read more... )

I feel totally discombobulated lately, as if i'm running and have no idea where i'm going. I have messed up my punches at work since friday. Today I showed up at 10:30 to find out I wasn't supposed to be there until 2:30. I wrote it down wrong. I don't remember being careless about writting down my schedule but apparently I was. This really ( Read more... )

you've got your dumb friends i know what they say, they tell you i'm difficult but so are they, but they don't know me...do they even know you ( Read more... )

I can't sleep, in fact I can't even find a moment of peace. I feel so uneasy, so used, so vulnerable. I saw him yesterday, which was a big mistake because it only made me feel more confused and sad about the whole situation. I know he is all wrong for me and that I need to move on. I'm trying. Though my days have been filled with melancholy I ( Read more... )

It comes and goes. I think I'm fine, it is getting better...then i just feel like shit all over again. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling like I have to start all over when I thought things were just getting good again. I miss him, I miss him a lot. To make things worse I had dreams about him all night last night. He called me, I don't know ( Read more... )

So many things are running through my mind right now. I unbelievable baffled at the events of my life as of late. I am astonished and yet so sad at the same time. I am heart broken (with good reason) yet feel reawakened at the same time. That sounds repetitive but whatever. I have loved with all of my heart and been crushed because of it. But ( Read more... )