Erich Richter wears green shoes. Not partially green or accented with green. Mr. Richter's shoes are entirely green. It's curious as to how this came to be. Perhaps it's that green is his favorite color, so he chose the shoes from racks of many to flaunt his colored passion. Perhaps green is an icon for him, of money, or summers, or the green jello ( Read more... )

Dear Joseph Enterprises Inc.,


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Post script: I just Google Image searched turtle Chia pets to bask in the humor of said brillow 'fro. Apparently the grass grows on their shell, and not on their wee turtle heads. Needless to say, I will be sending the package back promptly at its arrival.

In an Ambien-induced fog, post dragging-myself-out-of-bed-at-3:45am-to-work-a-fucking-night-shift, I ordered a Chia pet. Okay, a few Chia pets. And by few I mean four. All of the Scooby Doo variety, mind you. (I mean, what's Scooby without his Shaggy counterpart ( Read more... )

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Dear Paul Rudd,

Why is it that girls with names that end in "i" tend to be stupid sluts?

All my love,

Jessica

P.S. Read also: Mandi, Sunni, Candi

So my family went out of town and I'm staying in the house all aloney on my owney. I'm pretty sure ghosts are going to eat me in my sleep. I said good day, sir.

FUCK THIS APATHY. I'M BETTER THAN THIS.

I'm so lucky that the boy I love is also my best friend, and that he loves me back. Sometimes that love fills me up and I feel like I'm going to explode. It's been three years, and things only get better and better. I'm sorry this sounds so lame. But I'm full inside.

Sometimes I just fucking hate fucking everything. Good then.