I haven't written. I haven't wanted to document my thoughts. To make this space any more than a phase, accept the reality. I cannot keep living like this. I have to change. I just don't seem to be motivated in one direction or the other. I'm contemplating an April Resolution ( Read more... )

I'm so incredibly anxious right now. About I don't know what. Yesterday I just started having a spaz attack @ 12:30 that seemed to last throughout the rest of the night. I've tried deep breathing, just trying to ground myself and wow I just feel so wired. I didn't sleep much (if at all) last night, so now I have that even worse combination of ( Read more... )

Is this depression? Is this what it feels like? Funny, but I don't remember it feeling this way. This feels too good. Too relaxed. Too easy. But, I think I'm in it. A milder form. I am fighting it. I'm doing most of the right things. But, it hurts. Everyday, it hurts. I hurt. My body hurts. My brain aches. I have impulses to do. To ( Read more... )

okay, i don't feel like dealing with the paper journal right now. i have a headache and not much motivation. it is 12:30, and i want to go over to lesley to get some work done, but i just am not *feeling it*. i want to do one work thing a day. like kim said. i just feel...meh! last night i totally binged. i didn't care. i even went back to ( Read more... )

all i want is licorice. but, i am so afraid to eat it. i cannot just have a few pieces. i will eat the entire bin. bugger. the thing is, i DON'T want licorice, b/c that would put my calorie count into ridiculous-land. i also want ice cream-which is a given. but, actually i am craving licorice even more. the thing about ice cream is that it ( Read more... )

saw kim. it was actually really good and helpful to see her. i was a bit more 'focused'. i told her about the hallucination (or whatever it was) last night. told her about feeling weird all day. the eyes crossing behind my eyes or whatever the hell was going on. anyway, i want to write about what she said, before i forget ( Read more... )

Okay, so I motivated my ass to go to the gym. I did 48mins eliptical and then I went spinning for 40 mins. I figure that is about 700 cals burned. I told myself I would run, but it is wicked cold outside and my body is really tired. So, what do I have to do now? It is 1:40. I need to deal with the frosted wheat situation. I bought a box. Do ( Read more... )

Okay. First entry. I am due to begin a new paper journal today, but I don't want to begin it with this crap ( Read more... )