my father is going to become a french maid. the balloon work is too hard on his hands, he's becoming an old broad. i guess 400 years of making rubbery balloon penises and dogs for little children can take its toll. but he will still look fabulous in a french maid's outfit, so as a family we've decided that that will be his primary career from now ( Read more... )

i thoroughly enjoy snuggling with my cat. not in a sexual way, of course. i think things that i have said in the past might have led people to believe that i'm in love with my cat. but that's just not the case. i mean, so what if i stare longingly at him for hours when he's sleeping in his soft kitty bed at night and wait outside his cute little ( Read more... )

hottedward (11:29:34 PM): i think of u as my jewish god in the sack
CupOfJoe4Yoo (11:30:30 PM): really?
hottedward (11:30:41 PM): yep
CupOfJoe4Yoo (11:30:43 PM): because i think of you as the hispanic fungus between my butt cheeks

when i grow up i will study poo. people will refer to me as a poologist. i will not discriminate against different types of poo, because all poo is sent from god. i'm talking warm-blooded animal, human, reptile, hillbilly, and insect poo. when people have a question about feces, they will come to me, and i will know ( Read more... )

We all know of Rudolph and his shining nose ( Read more... )

Everything that lives on earth poos in some way ( Read more... )

i just watched my cat take a giant, troublesome dump. i think i have an idea of what my entire winter break is going to look like.

I have a confession to make. Some of you may never speak to me again. You may be disgusted by me forever.

But I love egg nog. and...I'm drinking some now. If you need to throw up, please run away, go vomit, and come back. It is just so good. It's irresistable.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ( Read more... )

today is belinda's birthday, yay. i didn't even sing happy birthday to her. so i will now. happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birth- gosh, will whoever's singing please stop immediately, i have a really bad headache. jeez. keep it down ( Read more... )