so i tried to kill myself just after that last post.
it didnt prove to be successful. spent some time in the hospital and a lot of time with people who dont want to or cant help me.

Im not posting here anymore.
ill post on my wordpress blog occasionally.
tho less people know about that then here. so its perfect really.

im not a happy man.Goodbye

And in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

As every christmas since i was a kid, bar 2010, it has came and my depression is so high, that ive just come back from the kitchen after prodding myself and pressing a kitchen knife against my throat while hoping that i slip and do some irreparable damage to myself. Of course, if it was that easy, i wouldnt be in this position.
Its extremely hard ( Read more... )

Today i was told by my doctor, there is a high possibility that there wont be a drug on the market that will stop me crying every 2nd day(or in her words, stop the crying in general) without doing serious damage to my brain or body.
As i was on the highest (safe) dosage of a tranquilliser and it had no effect on the depression/anxiety it just made ( Read more... )

Alot of people who dont understand depression mostly fail at the understanding of the difference between depression and being depressed.
Depression systematically destroys any good residual feeling you may have. You need constant things/events/actions, whether big or small to cheer you up or go your way. Because once negativity or bad shit starts to ( Read more... )

Still depressed.
Nothing new to report.

I have nothing new to report.
New MH is pretty good, not great.
Im very unhappy.
Spent today at mates place.
Nearly started crying there. Nearly started crying yesterday when i was out with Ben.
Im really unhappy.
Im now Unhappy when im OUT and ABOUT.
Fuck.

So i made out with somebody last thursday ( Read more... )

Im back to crying everyday.
250mg of meds a day are not helping.

Back to square one.

Go and try new meds next week.

This has been a hard week, this has been a hard year for me AND my family.
Ive had to write this tribute eulogy from the family. as im the intelligent one.
Ive had to design the pamphlet and the remembrance video because im the design savant one.

I was barely hanging on before this. i was a wreck.
And then this.
To have the person who helped raise me ( Read more... )