(Untitled)

[reasonforhatred]

i see you there in the fading light, the moon shine in your eyes dazzling, stunning. beauty beyond beauty, and you there standing head held high, chin up, never let them see what you hold inside. the ultimate question, a sigle word with a thousand meanings, a word that life revolves around. "Why?" i say, my voice is hushed not wishing to disturb

Comments

[aphroditeisis]

wow... that was beautiful

[princessstar_10]

very pretty you are the man lol

[golgun]

i bow to you, G-Mesa! yet another masterpiece for the collection.
Golgun

A little constructive criticism.

[kamikazeknight]

Misery is so cliche. Especially when described as it was in that work.. I like the idea of breaking down and crying, but it probably could have been gone about it a more moving way. I think sometimes, specifically in this, you try to fit in advanced vocabulary where they don't flow as nicely as they could elsewhere. "Big" words are nice, and they show an extended vocabulary I suppose, but sometimes its better to flow than it is to look good trying.

"Pseudo-Death-like state" could have been described better, with a little more words. Something as intense as that actually should be described in more words, because that's when the feeling, or "state of mind", you could say, becomes more beautiful and justified.

[reasonforhatred]

well you see Brad this is not only a first draft, but something that i came up with at two in the morning, so if it doesnt live up to your specifications, well thats just too damn bad. and i must ask why you have to be such a god damn naysayer all the time. i apresiate your last paragraph cause thats the way criticism should be, but you know its not very nice to insult a peice in your first sentence.

[kamikazeknight]

Just being honest.