I'm at such a low right now and I don't know how I can truely even express it. I can right, I can't scream, and I just have the urge to excessive take heavy drugs... and I know I can't do that ( Read more... )

Emeber died today... I cryed, i haven't in so long, but I did... as if shit could get any worse.. I loved that dog, and i really wih i played with her and spent more time with her... I'll miss her..

I need forgiveness from the people I truly care about,
I need support behind my back to help me spit it out
I am gonna win, I can't afford to blow this one,
I hate myself sometimes,
I love myself,
I need this way of life because it holds me.
I hate myself sometimes,
I love myself,
Contradiction's the way of life
Happiness is wealthyness is

I often get this vision, where I am on the cross. It's dark, the sky is a shade of purple. I'm strung up, there is thunder and it is raining. My head is wrapped in barbed wire. I guess inside I feel I am a martyr in a way. I am have given myself for the sake of my own self expression. Yet to my misfortune, my efforts so often do unnoticed. I want ( Read more... )

But she didn't so much kiss me as we kissed each other. We had been drinking, and you could kinda feel that it was going to come... It was sooo good though, I mean as good as it could've been. I was about to leave cause it was like 1 am, and she just called me back over and we kissed :) Happiest moment of my life ( Read more... )

Wow you all will never believe the night I had. Dan was in the city @ the Nokia theater Monday night for a Danzig concert when he was approached by a woman with comedy club tickets. So we went last night, and while we were there, it wasn't anything too funny. Outa the 12 or so performers there were about 4 or 5 real funny ones and me being me I ( Read more... )

My hair has grown to be really long.. I want to cut it off, but to be honest, I don't feel like it. It's been about 4 days since I last ate, and I'm not hungry.My depression has relatively subsided, and I decided to write in my journal, and to my dismay I have some unhappy comments about jackets and people ssaying stuff that I don't understand, ehh ( Read more... )

I've been away from the computer for a while with work and hanging out taking up more of my time, as well as actually sleeping at normal times ( Read more... )

Today..Natalie.. all my thoughts. Well I've thought about more.. too much. I put on a hoodie and pair of sweats and I ran. I opened my door and I ran, and I kept running till, well.. till i threw up. Then I went home. I felt better. Something about the overwhelming burning sensation iun your lungs after a good hard run that makes you forget about ( Read more... )

We didn't talk tonight, but she was all I could think about out.. GOD.. I want it to stop. I obesess over her.. yes I admit it, it's an obsession. I can't do this, cause I'm just going to end up hurting myself and trying to put the blame on her. Why can't I just realize... this isn't going to work... I'll tell you why, cause I see her, I see her ( Read more... )