"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!

"If you're going through a toll booth on a date, you're probably being kidnapped ( Read more... )

I'M FINALLY DONE WITH THE DENTIST UNTIL FEB. THANK GOD I'M SICK OF GOING THERE. THE BEST THING IS I'M NOT IN PAIN ANYMORE.(TEETH WISE) I FINALLY GOT MY SCHOOL SWITCHED UP. WELL NOT A WHOLE LOT TO TALK ABOUT WORK JUST TAKING IT EASY WITH THE BOSS OUT OF TOWN ON A HUNTING TRIP. WELL I'M OUT!!!!!!!!!!

TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY. I REALLY JUST SAT AROUND AND TOOK MY SWEET ASS TIME DOING MY JOB. IT WAS A LONG AND RELAXED DAY. I'M OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a hot summer day, a redneck cowboy came riding into town on his horse with his dog following. He tied the horse and dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer. About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck cowboy said that it was his. The policeman said ( Read more... )

TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY. NOTTA WHOLE LOT TO TALK ABOUT. I GUESS WORK IS WORK SAME SHIT JUST A DIFFERENT DAY. I'M SITTING IN MY COMPUTER ROOM LOOKING INTO THE FIRE IN THE FIREPLACE. IT'S REALLY PEACEFUL. WELL HOPE ALL IS GOOD CAUSE I'M OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

Q - Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one ( Read more... )

"Fuck The World ( Read more... )

"I don't believe in premarital sex. I'll still do it, I just don't believe in it."

They put directions on a box of Pop Tarts. Are there really people out there going "What do I do?

"Seven years of neglect is not cured by a Tic-Tac in the waiting room of the doctors office."

"When girls make out it sells videos, when guys make out it clears out a room."