Thought I tell everyone I don't, truth is I still miss him. And I know that I do love him. But at the same time, if he wants me back now, I really don't know if I'll say yes or no, because I've seen that I can live without him. And this uncertainty, kills me.
sure you can live without him...but would you rather live with him? that's the answer we're all afraid to acknowledge, but that's the truth...once you're sure of what you want, maybe it'd be easier to either let go...on start afresh with him.
but at the same time, don't think about him wanting you back..continue being happy without him. you deserve to be your own happy person :)
i think i'm addicted to pain. so i keep piling it on, making myself miserable. because maybe i fear that once i lose this misery i won't be me anymore, that i'll lose everything that was a part of me. or maybe its because being in pain makes me think that i deserve the right to be happy and everyone else doesn't. or maybe its because when you're miserable, it only takes that little joy to cheer you up, and it feels so good.
but what i fear most is that i have come to associate myself with misery, and lost the feeling of being happy. and if i continue to cling onto my pain and hurt, then i fear i will never ever let go and move on. and whats scarier is, sometimes i think i dont want to move on and get over that person.
i know what you feel, i totally do. in fact it's happening to me. so it happens that i get hurt. then i let pain become this big part of me, this big part i never stop harping on, this part of me that 'd remind people of how badly hurt i've been. deep down i really hope the person who hurt me the most badly really see how im suffering and feel guilty and i don't know...take me broken and make me whole again. so that's just to assure you that you're not alone. because although it's tragic, i know that once you take away this part of me, i wouldn't be me anymore, because this pain defines me. because i let it define me. because i want it to define me. even when i have a choice not to, i remain blind to this choice. in fact, i pretend i don't have a choice. until i don't even know whether i have a choice anymore
( ... )
love is... what makes me feel alive again (: i never thought i'd deserve it, but now i'm with a guy who treasures me for who i am and it almost seems impossible but it isn't. he makes me breathless and blessed and childish and bubbly all at once (:
on another note, we don't really talk but i read your livejournal quite often and i really admire your outlook and attitudes on life. coz they remind me of me (: stay strong, girl.
love always remains a beautiful thing. i believe in that no matter how many times it takes to get it right, and i believe that everyone deserves it once they've found it. so congratulations! <3 (now i'll just have to convince myself that i deserve it too)
and i'm totally feeling your joy ma'am!! <3
on the same another note, i don't know why you'd want me to remind you of you...hahaha but yeah, thanks, and i will stay strong :)
p.s if you could, come talk to me! you sound like a woman in love and i have lots of quotes for women in love HAHAHAHA. p.p.s i can feel lots of happiness radiating from this one little comment :} the power of love :}
yep (: it's hard to find someone who shares the same fervent optimism on love, even after all the hurt. you know what? i believe in your sincerity and passion. i believe in the power of your words. i believe that you're special. so why wouldn't you deserve love that is beautiful and eternal as much as the rest of us? (:
haha i don't particularly want you to remind me of myself. you just happen to.
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but at the same time, don't think about him wanting you back..continue being happy without him. you deserve to be your own happy person :)
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but what i fear most is that i have come to associate myself with misery, and lost the feeling of being happy. and if i continue to cling onto my pain and hurt, then i fear i will never ever let go and move on. and whats scarier is, sometimes i think i dont want to move on and get over that person.
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i know what you feel, i totally do. in fact it's happening to me. so it happens that i get hurt. then i let pain become this big part of me, this big part i never stop harping on, this part of me that 'd remind people of how badly hurt i've been. deep down i really hope the person who hurt me the most badly really see how im suffering and feel guilty and i don't know...take me broken and make me whole again. so that's just to assure you that you're not alone. because although it's tragic, i know that once you take away this part of me, i wouldn't be me anymore, because this pain defines me. because i let it define me. because i want it to define me. even when i have a choice not to, i remain blind to this choice. in fact, i pretend i don't have a choice. until i don't even know whether i have a choice anymore ( ... )
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on another note, we don't really talk but i read your livejournal quite often and i really admire your outlook and attitudes on life. coz they remind me of me (: stay strong, girl.
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(now i'll just have to convince myself that i deserve it too)
and i'm totally feeling your joy ma'am!! <3
on the same another note, i don't know why you'd want me to remind you of you...hahaha but yeah, thanks, and i will stay strong :)
p.s if you could, come talk to me! you sound like a woman in love and i have lots of quotes for women in love HAHAHAHA.
p.p.s i can feel lots of happiness radiating from this one little comment :} the power of love :}
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haha i don't particularly want you to remind me of myself. you just happen to.
p.s. i would love to! but how D:
p.p.s. (:
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p.s add me online! haha bittersweetfaith@hotmail.....
p.p.s warms my heart to talk to lovely happy girls in love...like you hahaha
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